So, my mother had another melt down…let me just tell you what actually happend first. Wensday morning, my mother woke my sister for school and asked her not to fall back asleep, after my sister got up she relized how early it was and dozed off on the couch, my mother woke up and was enraged at my sister and told her some awful things, one that she keeps saying hurt her the worst is "You and your sister ruined my life, I should have got abortions." My sister went to school, and I came home and my mom naped until it was time to pick my sister up. Everywas going okay until something snapped, my mother simply went ballistic. She keept telling my sister and I she didn't care what we did and wanted us gone. My sister yelled at my mother and my mother reacted my charging at my sister and hiting her multipul times in the face one or twice with a closed fist at least. I hit her and slapped her to pull her off. After that, per usual, we all went back and forth with the same phsyce damanging words as allways. I threated to call the police quite a few times after the threatend to kill her self and she stated she would slit her throat before they got there. Then she just left and was gone until my dad came home. In that spit she took a knife to her throat, questions all of us "You think I won't do it?!" Of course we had to wrestle the knife from her, from then my father took us to our grandmothers. And, of course,she calls no more than an hour later, apologizing and claiming she can't help it, she can't control it. And we're home again, with her, like it never happend.
I don't know what I want to happen. I just can't take the pain anymore. At this point, I'm just wondering if what she says when this happens is all truth, she just didn't mean to say it outloud. I still haven't cried, I don't even think I need too. I'm just so done. I'm over it. It's so hard to give all the love and affection you can to someone who doesn't want it. I just want to sleep.