Hello!

I hope that all is well with you and loved ones today! Many hugs and fond thoughts are being sent your way! Thank you for being you.   You are special and lovable!

My day began with enjoying watching a humming bird fly very near me visiting flowers.  I could see their eyes and feather textures very vividly! The wooden bench swing wood felt bumpy and rough on my bare legs    Yet, it felt soothing to my finger tips.   I pondered on trying to make the most of living “here” verses where I am from and working on “growing where I am planted.”  If anyone has ever moved and adjusted successfully, please share your tips with me.  I feel so lonely.   It has been 8 years since we moved here.

I went for a swim this afternoon.   The water felt chilly at first but felt soothing after getting used to it.  It is so comforting being surrounded by the pressure of the water.    No frogs 🐸 or toads opted to jump and to swim with me.  It is just not extremely hot right now which drives them to be my swim buddies.

White butterflies were everywhere and even fluttered above me while in pool.   The sun felt so  warm on my skin.  The wildflowers are in their prime in the metal pots around the pool.

I did more research.  I have learned that the experience of a abusive situation is connected to them breaking down your self esteem, and you getting hooked on the extreme highs and lows.   Even though, that relationship was in the past, I miss the wonderful times that he was decent to me.   It was thrilling.   Then, minutes later at times, the angry, rage like  or annoyed look in his eyes would return.  I would do nothing wrong.    The cycle was tolerance, decency, and anger / dismissive treatment.

Also, in the past when he reached out to be I felt that same thrill but it was followed by anxiety, confusion; emotional pain after just talking to him on the phone!

A person who opted to abuse others was asked why they did it.   The answer was simply why would someone tolerate toxic behavior towards them.   It seems that in general that abusers don’t take responsibility for intentions to break down someone who trusts them in order to control them.   They tend to see the people as deserving prey to use for their benefit!

Thanks for listening to what I learned about surviving abuse today!

I may be out of that relationship but I am on the journey of healing from it.   Knowledge and loving myself more then I loved him is supposed to help heal.

I hope that everyone had a safe and blissfully content day! I hope that everyone sleeps well and wakes up feeling rested and inspired to have the best day ever!

Warmly,

Lacey