• Hi,

Hoping that everyone and that their loved ones are doing well.

It has been challenging for me both yesterday and this morning.    My thoughts of my dad passing away, and struggling with the way he treated me and ditto with the fact that he didn’t value or cherish me.   Also, the pattern repeated  with ——- (romantic relationship in the past)  which turned into him ghosting me and then proposing to me.   They both have (one had) the same character “not positive and unhealthy” personality traits and I think I was trying to fix things with my dad on some level by trying to make ——— love and cherish me.  It led to me feeling like a failure during the attempts but having a “love high” when – – – – – was decent to me and was paying attention to me.   It was rare but those moments meant a lot to me.  It was very painful emotionally when he minutes later to back to having disdain for my very existence.  He would act dismissive and cold.

I shed some tears over the loss of what could of been with both them but wasn’t all due to their choices, being emotionally unavailable and their shared character traits.  I had to give up on both of them and walk away.

They both missed out on the best of me.   I had so much love for both of them.

I feel very brave for sharing this and am proud of myself

If you read this and can relate, ((((hugs)))) you deserved and deserve better.

Knowledge and time are healing ❤️‍🩹

Sending love and hope to everyone.   We are all dealing with something and we all matter    We are all enough and worthy of love 💗 !

Thanks for listening.   I appreciate it.

Lacey

3 Comments
  1. lecourage 3 months ago

    Hi Lacey,
    Thank you for sharing the discoveries you’ve made about what your relationships were about. I am so sorry you were with people who were unavailable and caused you pain.

    I searched out the same kind of person and was with a man for most of my adult life. I hold much contempt for myself for deciding to have children with him. I feel that their problems are linked to their childhood. No amount of therapy can convince me otherwise.

    My therapist asked me if I intended for them to have a bad life. If I thought they would and of course I didn’t. I begrudge myself for not knowing that he would treat our kids like he treated me. I cannot forgive or excuse myself be cause my kids are not living emotionally stable lives.
    I hope you have peace in your own life now.
    Courage

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  2. Author
    lacey7 3 months ago

    Lecourage,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It helped me a lot. I am honored.

    You are and have always been a good mom. It is so challenging trying to always make the best decisions based on what we know at the time. Yet, we can always look back and have regrets on what we could of done better or different.

    I have heard of this being classified as over thinking. I can’t imagine though not pondering on the what if’s and what should I do going forward.

    (((Hugs))) you are a good and loving mom! You were always good enough as a person and as mother!

    The former unhealthy person reached out to me years ago wanting to meet my children and for me to meet husband I said no. (For the children to all meet we well)

    It still breaks my heart knowing that I wanted to be able to say yes but…….

    My gut feeling is that he would of cancelled and withdraw the decision if I had said yes. Then, told my husband about me being willing to meet up with him and involve the children. It would of destroyed a marriage mine and his…. Maybe he wanted this though.

    Or I would of fallen in love bis children and he would of asked me to leave my husband and we would of become a Brady bunch family…. Going back to how he treated me then (not good most of the time) and it would of gotten worse…. I love him but love myself and my adult children more….

    It does help to learn from your experience that he would of treated my children the way he treated me. I feel less like I was being closed minded and not open for what he was looking for…. It is so confusing. Dr Ramoni calls it trauma bonding mixed with something else. If love could fix abusive behavior / narcissistic behavior / toxic relationships…..I would of married him and had children with him. People have to want to fix themselves though. He isn’t a project. He is a person! My job is not to “fix” a male life companion. I know this but…..

    My husband isn’t perfect but I don’t want to hurt him. He is a good dad. I heard a song twice today randomly that had the words “love the one your with” in the chorus… if you can’t be with the one you want… love the one you are with….”

    Yes courage and trusting our best decisions were good enough….. easier said than done! ((Hugs to you))))

    Warmly,

    Lacey

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  3. Author
    lacey7 3 months ago

    “…. And for me to meet his children” spell changed children to husband

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