You know how some people have calendars, and they cross off each day as a countdown until a big exciting event happens? as in, 30 days til my birthday, or whatever? well, i feel like doing that for my life. blah blah days till i can leave this world!

So i wonder how many days the average woman lives? think ill do that online.

it says i will die in 2062. so thats 50 years. 50 x 365 is….18 000 days.

It said obesity shortens your life span by 9 years. So if i get in a normal weight range it could be 59 years. Man….its kind of creepy.

God. I'm really messed up. Im so depressed, and nothing seriously bad has even happened to me. Noone close to me has died. i havnt been through a divorce. no serious illness. So what will happen to me when something like that happens? scary thought.

iv wanted to say this next bit in a blog for a while now. Sometimes i have thoughts on life, that things are good, and im going to be alright. good days. other days, and there have been a LOTof them lately, i have felt like things are absolute shit, and horrible. So my question is…which one is true? which one best reflects how things really are? i mean, are these just feelings, and not reality. If so, what is reality?

better sign off now.

oh, another thing. i never knew it was possible to hate someone as much as i hate my co-worker. i know its a really strong, bad word, but its how i feel. i have imagined pushing him to the ground and pushing a gun into his face. cant believe im putting this in public….but i want to be honest about things. Obviously i have problems….or im a terrible person.