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New to the blogging but think it may be a good outlet to try.  Seems things wont get better. Financially it is horrible, personally confused and crawling out of my skin.

I went through 5 months of trying to get the bank to work with me on modifying the mortgage payment (of which I struggle monthly to pay) and they came back and expect a month and a half payment now.  What the hell are these people thinking.  Im behind – I struggle to pay it and they now want me to pay almost double? My husband seems to think that there is nothing to worry about. He just goes on with a smile while I cry myself to sleep at the thought of loosing my house.  I love my house and although it has a lot of bad memories, it also has good memories. Ive put my heart and soul into this house and feel like I should do whatever it takes to keep it but on the other hand, Im tired, Im tired of hanging on.  Part of me just wants to walk away – but because of my kids, I won't.

I am personally a mess.  I have the most amazing husband who I love more than anything but he doesn't seem to know that I exist. I mean, seriously, just a ounce of concern, kind words, a hug, a kiss, a compliment.  Something.  Its like Im a babysitter and room mate – and not to mention a paycheck.  What can I do to get him to notice me? I've expressed my feelings a million times but seems it is going right up against a brick wall. I deserve to be loved, touched and complimented.  Im a good person, good wife and great mother. What am I doing wrong? Im not the most beautiful woman, not thin, not real outgoing, What? What needs to happen before he realizes what he has? What I have? We are perfect together but somewhere along the line, I got lost. I need him back again.

Now, to top all of this off, we have the holidays coming with no money to buy gifts – not even for my two boys – Our families don't know what we are going through and to be honest, I don't really want them to know.  It will only be met with critism of how bad we budgeted.  But 1 year of unemployment and mounting medical bills from a surgery my husband almost died from will shatter any household.  We filed for Bankruptcy – again, another low moment so again, not something I want to share – so what money we did have went to pay for that.  Seems like we just cant get a break.

Along with all of these things, just more and more disappointments with family and friends – a lose of trust towards anyone. Just so much to deal with on a daily basis that most days I'd rather not get out of bed. I do this for my boys. If it weren't for them, Im not sure where I'd be, or if I'd be.

What have I done wrong? What did I do to deserve all of this? All I want to do is to be happy. Why is this so hard?

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 10 years ago

    Give the family another chance.  The economic times have affected everyone. Maybe the problem is that the families do not communicate and therefore do not support each other during hard times. 1 Year of unemployment comes to mind. Do does surgery from which your husband barely survived.  Not only that the paper  uphere are full of horror stories of mismanagement of the banks through this housing crisis.  It may be time to seek help as a constituent through your representatives at the state and national level.  They need to hear from constituents in trouble with their banks.

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