carry on

i was gone before i left, carry on

my choices came loose – dangling,
and everything i held bled.
i walk on top of a pool,
a scarlet mirror seeped from all that i thought i was.

my name rings hollow in my heart, carry on

i found a god in apathy –
a purpose in indifference –
a laughter in hopelessness –
a closeness in sorrow.

i let my memories become ghosts that haunt me, carry on

i smile, and it’s because i know it doesn’t matter.
i stopped wincing at the words, because i know it doesn’t matter.
i am far inside, a whisper i can barely hear.
my feelings are superficial, and under them is a void,
because i know it doesn’t matter.

i drift from one string to the next, never anchored –
easy for self-sabotage –
because i know it doesn’t matter.

things used to matter,
but the heaviness numbs my foundations.
ahead of me is a life of vague trying.
the world is thin around me –
a mist to pass through –
every step meandering towards a far off grave.

carry on

i cannot be fixed.
i cannot be saved.
i cannot be brought back to life.
the spark you might see in my eye is a far off star of dead light.
what you met is a ghost.

carry on