So yesterday I finally did some writing, and it was good to get some things out, I still had nightmares last night, but they were not has bad as they had been lately. I thought things couldn’t get any worse then they have been. I don’t know how I am going to handle everything, and then today, we got bad news. I spoke/wrote yesterday about what is going on with my grandmother, well today, we called to check in on her, and we were told some bad news. The doctors are not expecting her to make it till Christmas, I have no idea how I am going to process all of this, and get through all of this.
My grandmother, my Nan, (we have always called her Nan, she always said she was too young/hip to be a grandmother) she means so much to me. More than I can even put into words. I just do not know how to deal with this. I am off my medication, which probably isn’t helping at all. I will admit that I am struggling with my thoughts, and my mood, I am not having the strength to just keep everything to myself and I am losing my temper over simple shit. I hate it, I hate it so much.
I also am struggling with self-injury thoughts. I use to have a severe addiction to self-injury, however, when I made the choice to have a baby, I stopped, I have only had 1 or 2 slip ups since having my son. Its been a very long time since I have had these urges, and I am doing my best to resist the urges. I just hate feeling this way, and hate struggling like this. I don’t know how to be strong through this, not at all. :/