My family comes back today from maui. Its been storming here in the islands for like a week now, its gotten pretty bad the past couple of days but it has cleared up. I went grocery shopping yesterday. Im cutting down on my sam-e, i was taking 3 and i noticed i was getting anxiety attacks so i brought it down to 2, i have to balance it with my mood and the anxiety. I think the more sam-e i take the more anxiety i get, and the less i take the more depressed i get, I just have to get enough in my system so that this other med TMG can kick in and help recycle the SAm-e that I already have in my system and I can ween off the Sam-e and take the TMG eventually. I dont get any side effects from the TMG so thats good good good. I have been taking most of my remedies at full perscription and i feel like i am doing a little better. I had a meltdown the other day but i guess it happens. I still cant drive too well, but i have had less thoughts through out the day about suicide  and more in the moment clarity feelings. I still feel kinda spacy and not all there yet but its better than before i guess. I really want to get out of this depression. I am scared that when im out ill fall back. its best if i dont think about it i guess. but i do have that frustration. anyway.

I actaully came on here to talk about if i should take a painting class. i think i should register for it. i dont want to fail. it would be good for me tho to get out. but im not sure because im not sure im intersted in that any more. I have no burning drive for anything just yet. but tiem is running out. I hate depression.