Well i quit my job….yes yes i did. I started my regular schedule on sunday and i went everything was good but my throat was hurting. than i had monday off my throat was swollen and it hurt to talk. on monday i spent the day with my friend lixia who got me the job there. she is so happy and full of life all the time and the whole day i was feeling down and gloomy. so i came home and went to bed. Tuesday: woke up got ready and i started to freak out cuz the trianer told me i was gonna have the same schedule as my friend lixia but when the supervisor gave me the paper it was later and my car was broken so i couldn’t use it. so i was afraid i sat down on my desk and was about to sign into the computer and i didn’t i got up went to the bathroom and started to cry. i called my boyfriend and asked him to come pick me up and he said ok. i couldn’t stop crying and i was shaking. i had to get out of that place. so i left and walked to the nearest mcdonalds and i went in got something to drink and sat down and waited for him to come get me. as i waited i thought about how much money i would get from working there and how i had enough to pay off my bills. honestly i felt like shit my throat hurt i couldn’t touch my neck or swallow anything. so yesterday my mom and me went to fix my car and buy some antibiotics. my supervisor called me and left me a message that she wanted to talk to me about my employment there. so i’m guessing she is firing my ass. i called her back but no answer. i just quit basically. i really think i gotta get help fast cuz this happens to me everytime at a job. i freak out and start to cry and just want to quit….i don’t know why. oh well i guess i’m back to looking for a job but i’m gonna look for something that is simple and that doesn’t really deal with ppl.
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Just blahhh (not a good poem but I tried)
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My First Diary Entry
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Nothingness
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I'm not supposed to be doing this,But I can't help it.So many people see me,But none of them really...
I completely understand, I’ve not worked for some years thanks to breaking down whenever I left my house. I hate it. I want to work, I want to be functional, but it is so hard to deal with all the stress (I used to be able to, why can’t I now?) I can’t say much but look for some help–maybe some employment assistance (locally there is a rehabilitation commission) something like that in your area might be able to place you in a job suitable to your limitations. Keep fighting the good fight against this though.
Your determination and insight are both admirable. I don’t think anyone else can appreciate what it takes for us (depressives) to fall down and crawl back up again and again. As for your insight, certainly you should find work which is compatible with your talents, interests, and yes, even your phobias. If your work is not compatible with you, you won’t be any good at it.