MIssed a call from from the Crisis team today. Not sure how i'm feeling about that.

How do you know when you can be yourself? I'm not even sure what "myself" is anymore.. Its like I have a whole heap of people in me, and each one comes out in different times. Not like someone with multiple personality.. just i guess, i act different. Like i'm different here than I am at home, and then i'm different again when I talk to my therapists and doctors.. I don't know what one is the real me.. is there a real me? or am I just a mix of the whole lot.. I don't know.

This song has alot of meaning for me today. I feel like this alot.. when being let down by anyone..

Losing Grip – Avril Lavigne

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
When you turn around can you recognize my face
You used to love me, you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't okay
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was there
I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care
We're not going anywhere

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was there
I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care
We're not going anywhere