Today my mom called for the first time since she disowned me. All she wanted to tell me was she saw a thing about a new depression treatment involving a surgery where they put needles in your brain. When I said I wasn't interested we had another fight. I feel so alone. Even after all of that I pulled myself together and tried to go look for work. I desparately need a job. I tried at 11 places today 8 of them wouldn't even give me an app and basically said I wasn't what they were looking for. How would they know they didn't even do anything but look at me. I am normally goth (no tatoos and I took my piercings out too look for work) but i tried my best to look normal even put on bluejeans and a regular t-shirt and still nothing. My therapist even tried to find me work on a farm but the farmer said he cant afford to pay someone else but i can volunteer if i like but i still need money and the closer i come to running out the more desparate i get to find work but it seems like noone wants me. I have tried for 3 years to find work the closest i have gotten is the odd holiday job thats gone January 1. I am so alone and isolated I was actually excited to maybe get a job and have a chance to meet some new people. My biggest problem is im depressed because I'm lonely and i have trouble doing anything about being lonely because im depressed its a circle i cant seem to get out of. A woman at the bank this morning described me as "the most cheerful person to ever walk into her office with a complaint" so i know i can interact normally its just painful for me at first but i know if given a chance i could be a great employee but no one seems to be willing to give me a shot. If you have read this far bless you from the bottom of my heart for caring and if you take nothing from this let it be this just because someone is a bit different doesn't mean that they are not a delightful individual in need of a chance just like you or anyone else.