They act as if I’m here for help but no one can tell me how they will help, no one has a plan or an idea. I just have to wait. Until suddenly I’m better.
I’ve never been this person. I’ve never needed more than a little pill to keep me level and a panic attack every now and then.. or so I thought.
So here I am, sharing a room with an older lady names babs, who talks to herself, sleeps on the floor and is open about being the crazy one here ( why did they put me in this room?!) Babs has Hep C and continues to tell me random stories about people dying or people being severely injured.
They want me to join in on group activities, but that just makes me anxious. and people talking over the top of each other gives me panic attacks.
So I sit on my own, headphones in, trying to find a distraction, trying to find a way to keep his smile out of my mind.
How pathetic do you think I feel? All the doctors are telling me that I’m in here because of a relationship breakdown, I’m in here cause my partner left me. No matter how many times I tell them I tried to OD when my relationship was fantastic and he left me because of the OD. They Just think I’m a typical young girl who’s had her heart broken.. but then again, maybeI am.
How did I end up in this room with babs and her pillow fort. How did I end up sitting here, talking to a blog on a website that I just found, that im certain no one will ever read.
I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know how to handle what a happening to me
Just me and my mind.