I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I'm cautious about using words like: content, mellow and fine. My emotions change so quickly. My mother is mod until tomorrow afternoon…I'm toying with the idea of staying the night with her. It would be a nice change but I'm worried about how I'll handle being with her…I never thought I'd say that about my mom. She's been a source of strength for me for so long and now that she's struggling…I don't know what to do or how to feel.
We have always been close, after all, I'm her only daughter. She only has 2 children: my brother and me. She lost her mother in 2009 from lung cancer and her dad in 1991. I feel like she needs some source of strength. She needs friends, even if they are just through email. I don't know where I would be without the support I have through online friends. I know I need more real friends but I have trouble with trust. I've told a handful of people about my depression and it seems to end on odd terms after I've trusted them with that information.
When I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I had a good friend but it was a toxic relationship. We fed off each other's pain. I realize it now that my moving to Georgia was for the better. I wish I could have told my friend but she was in a treatment center for an eating disorder at the time of my move. I feel bad because she said she came to my old house and only then discovered I had moved. Luckily we found each other through social networking. We were so happy…but now I see how our lives have become different…she's a son and I fear she is struggling, possibly with drugs. I would email her mother and ask about her but I'm not sure what her mother's opinion of me is. Her mother has called me a hermit and may know I was struggling with depression. I was very anti-social and kind of still am…I guess college has helped with that. I go to a Christian group once a week, that is when school is in session. Now that it's summer, I'm back in my shell, where I feel safe.
My friend and I struggled with self harming around the same time. She would stop and I would continue, I would stop and she would keep going. So I guess my moving was for the better. However, I can't help but feel bad for her. Her family isn't as strong as mine: her parents never married and her mother has been in 3 relationships and has 5 kids. I always found that odd, I guess only because my parents are married and have been for so long.
I would really like some advice on whether I should contact her mother or not. I really want to but maybe it's not the best thing.
Thank you for reading…
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I can't tell you what's for the best about contacting her mother.
I can say that I've had friendships which have ended on strange terms due to telling them about my depression/anxiety. So you're not alone there.
It's strange that some people understand and some people don't.