And by again, I mean, for the first time….since I got through my three year bout of depression when tears were shed pretty much on a dialy basis until the end of that,,,,and not counting the tears I cried when my Dad died this past year….I'm crying at this moment. And I'm crying hard. And I'm hoping like hell that it's just all the things I've written about in my last two blogs(don't have the energy to rehash them here) that have me worried and frustrated and angry and scared have just kind of…I don't know the exact words as usual how to say it as usual…that maybe I was due for a good "cry" over it all building up and that it's nothing more than that…but I'm worried like crazy of course that it's the beginning of another Big Bout of the D word…..so….I don't know….I guess if anyone reads this and you're a spiritual/religious person, do that praying thing for me if you don't mind that this is not a signal leading me to going off the Deep End again….and if you're not into the praying thing, then if you can at least just hope for me, that would be great…I am so sorry that I am not a better person as far as being helpful to you all, and taking the time to read your blogs and lending encouragement and support…I've got so much to do to become a better person, I know…I swear I really do care about everyone on here with all my heart bcause we're all going through this in some form or another(I would assume. Or else, why else would we be on here, right?), it's just….I don't feel like I'm saying the right things a lot of time when I try to encourage and support people on here, if that makes any sense, and it's frustrating to me, so a lot of times I won't say anything at all instead…But I really do care. I swear I do. Thanks guys.