It is disturbing to me how so many people play the victim card! Why can’t people find the positive in things? (ok I know this blog seems negative but it’s a blog!) The person in my life who plays the biggest victim card is my mother. Just to give you some background when she was three her mother left her. So her father put her up for adoption. She was adopted by an older couple. It wasn’t really for them to have a child it was more for someone to care for them. So she began caring for them at about eight years old. After her foster parents passed her biological father wanted her back to live with him and his new wife. They had three kids together! All boys! So my mother moved in with them. One of her brothers is a pervert! (More on that in another blog) One fought in Vietnam and he has disconnected from the family since then. The other is just a normal guy with a wife and two daughters. Anyway, since my mother was basically forced to live with her father and his new wife it wasn’t a good experience. Her step mother hated her. I don’t know why. When she grew old enough she joined the Navy and became a nurse. She helped with Vietnam victims. Im sure she saw things that were horrible. She doesn’t talk about it. My brother is the same way. He doesn’t talk about what he saw when he was in Iraq this past year. After she got out of the Navy she married a guy who was abusive. Needless to say that marriage ended. Then she married my dad. Then she came in contact with her biological mother. Her bio mom hates my mom. If you hate your first kid why would you have two more? I don’t even get how you can hate a kid whom you had from birth to only three years old. So having this life my mother plays the victim card all the time. Which don’t get me wrong, the things she went through were not good at all. But sometimes you just have to let things go. You are 58 now mom. Why does everything stim from your mother leaving you, your father putting you up for adoption, foster parents who treated you like a slave, etc etc. Anytime anyone has something bad happen to them she always has to go back to when she was abused by her husband. Or how her parents left her. From people that don’t know my mom or don’t know her very well feel sorry for her when she says these things. But the people that are close are sick of it. It is tiresome! We have all be through tough times. We have all had shitty things happen some worse then others but many of us DON’T play the victim card. It has to end! How do you tell someone that? If I told her “Mom, stop playing the victim card” she would think I was going to leave her. But in all honesty she already is losing me. Her negativatiy is a diesease and I don’t want it! I want to be happy. Have a positive outlook on life. Not always saying “oh poor me” The more she plays the victim card the further away she is pushing me. I think I only love my mother out of obligation, because she is my mother. I know that is horrible but it is true! Currently I am going through a divorce. Everytime it is mentioned she has to say something about how her ex husband was an asshole and beat her up and when she left him he tried to come after her blah blah blah! It’s like you can’t even moarn over your own situation because she has told you her situation and her situtaion is ALWAYS worse! Then she wonders why us kids don’t come around much! Or why we locked ourselves in our rooms when we were younger. It’s because we want to deal with OUR situations WITHOUT thinking about what her situation. God when I went to the lawyer for my first visit to file my divorce papers my mother went with me. That was a huge mistake! The lawyer and my mother starting going on and on about their divorces and how horrible it was. Making my divorce seem so stupid. Then they began doing the parenting plan themselves! Um…HELLO. These are MY kids, this is MY divorce, he is MY ex-husband and this is MY situation and I would really like you to just shut the fuck up and support me WITHOUT advice and telling me how horrible your life is. It is possible to be there for someone and you don’t have to say a thing. Your positive energy and presence can be good enough. The point to this blog is. Any parents out there. When your kids or anyone in your life for that matter are going through something hard DON’T make your situation worse! No matter what. Because everyone deals with things differently. Like someone may be in an abusive relationship and deal with it ok but if the person cheats on them it could be devastating to them! And vice versa. Just be there for your kids/friends. Only offer advice if asked and only tell your story when asked. :dizzy:

1 Comment
  1. MrJim65 11 years ago

     as a person who plays the victim card at least 52 times every day, i am very grateful to you for this post.  it really woke me up.

    thanks,

    DJ65

    |
    0 kudos

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