I know it's been a while since I've been on and I apologize. I forgot about how great it is to be on this site and get support from you guys. I am trying to find a balance and be on this site more often.

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before but I have this…kind of…phobia about social situations. I have been wanting to work on my social skills and I've come a long way in the past year but still have a ways to go as far as that's concerned. I've even tried dating again. Sadly, it hasn't been working out so well. My "phobia" as I'll call it, has maybe hindered my happiness as far as that is concerned.

My phobia is this: something is wrong with me, it could be that I said something mean or stupid or I'm no fun to be around etc. and because I'm unaware of this it doesn't change meaning I'm stuck by myself all the time. My friends don't have the heart to tell me because they're nice people who don't want to hurt my feelings but at the same time, how can I become a better person if I'm not told I'm messing up and hurting people or whatever? I know it sounds sick and for the most part it could be all in my head. But hopefully here lies at the heart of my loneliness. I'm not sure what to do with it. I don't want to burden my friends with it (they're friends, not therapists) but I also don't want to bottle it all inside either. I don't really have much money for a counselor (I'll see what I can find on that one) but in all honesty I need help. I'm sick of being alone. I don't mind my own company but one can only watch so many movies or read so many books or chat online so many times before realizing life has passed by. I don't want to be that girl anymore. No offense to any of you, I honestly don't know what I would have done without you guys cheering me on and listening to my whining. I want to believe I'm worth hanging out with and that I'm a fun person to be around even though I have my flaws. How do I go about dealing with this fear? I don't want to be lonely anymore.