Today was a good day. I helped out at my friend's bridal shower. One two occasions, I felt extremely nervous and stupid — I don't know if anyone noticed.

I had to watch my friend's baby daughter before we left for the shower, and while my fear of harming her did kick in, when I was actually left alone to watch her, nothing happened. She kept me too distracted!

I also had to sit beside my friend while she unwrapped gifts and take note on who gave her the gifts. While this step may seem simple to everyone, I was highly anxious about being beside the girl who was the center of everybody's attention. I worried I'd mess up somehow or not move quick enough in taken down everyone's names. It was fine and no one knew my stomach squirmed.

Then I went back home to hang out with my family. My Dad didn't vanish today like he has been lately. We had a talk yesterday and I asked him straight out if he was cheating on Mom. He said it wasn't true. While his behaviour is sketch, I tried to explain to him why it's important for him to let us know where he goes, and I tried to listen to his concerns.

I know how difficult life is for him right now. He lost a job he adored, won't see some of his good friends from that job, he misses his Mother who died in 2008 and visits her regularly, he feels guilty for not attending Church and 'repenting' (Church was also a big part of my Grandmother's life), his wife is always sleeping and usually says she's too sick to go out with him, his first born daughter (me), has moved out, his youngest has a full-time boyfriend now and spends less time with him, his middle daughter intends to move to Australia for a little bit. He sees his job as his prison, since he hates it. He works 12 hour shifts everyday.

He's in a lot of pain and I understand. And I think maybe we got to him yesterday. When I said; "I understand that you had us at a young age and that maybe you didn't get to do everything you had wanted…" He said we were the best things that have ever happened to him.

I don't know if he and Mom can rekindle their relationship. I agree that my Mother is highly unstable. I agree she freaks out and fails to see how she effects other(s). She's not a bad person, but she needs to work on herself and her own insecurities. And she needs to start istening to my Father, not pushing anything on him.

He seemed content today and we're going out to visit Grandma's gravesite tomorrow. I'm sure he's looking forward to it.

I'm still wondering if I should go to Florida for one week before I have to go back to the stresses of work (where I felt out casted). I now understand that EVERYBODY does have these issues where they feel they're gained up on. My sister told me today that one of her friend's just found a Facebook thread of her three roomates just dissing her. She JUST signed a lease to live with them again, not knowing that they were talking behind her back. Apparently, the landlord will NOT allow her to sub lease!!! So, I need to realize that while I felt ganged up on at work and roughly treated, I AM NOT the only one and EVERYONE talks about everyone. When I start to understand that I'm NOT the center of everybody's attention, I start to relax.

I should really work on changing this distortion. Who cares if one girl 'walked out' at work because of me? I'm a nice girl and a good worker. She had already threatened to leave and I gave her every opportunity to speak privately with me with her refusing while bad talking me. The fact I gave her an opportunity SHOWS that I was more than willing to fix the situation. The fact that she was not means she had other intentions in mind.

I need to work on getting stronger.

I have a loving boyfriend, I have many friends, I have many good friends. Are they perfect? Far from it! But neither am I! I have loving parents (despite their flaws), and I have a good family. Why am I always worrying what strangers think?! Even if 20 people DID hate me, there's so many people in this world … and so many potential friends. And I'd rather have 20 hating me then not have the many people who love me.