My high school friend recently gave birth. At around 5:30 AM on Facebook, she had made it official. It's so strange for me — I feel like I'm still a kid! I remember vividly doing kid things and being proud to be a kid. I'm not heading onto 23 and slowly people around me seem to getting pregnant! I have to remind myself that at this time in my own Mother's life, she would have already been pregnant with my younger sister! Unfortunately, ever since this friend of mine got pregnant, she stopped hanging around with me. *sigh*. I find some people are like that. They become involved in the kid-surrounded world and leave out childless friends altogether.Because of this behaviour, I've decided that when I become pregnant, I will not be doing the same thing. I have friends who have kids who still include me in their life; it is possible. Not all of us childless people are evil constant-partying-drinkers who don't have a spect of maturity because we choose not to have a child just yet. (Some people post this sort of thing on their Facebook, as if they think partying HAS to be the main point of a childless person's life. I can tell you one thing: I sometimes go out. Sometimes. I prefer staying in and doing other things. And I think I have a fairly good perspective on life and maturity level without having kids)…

I'm not going to even be posting too many details of my future baby on Facebook when I have one. (Which is what a lot of people tend to do.) NOT that there is anything wrong with posting and showing off your baby, but I think that would be a part I'd reserve for close friends and family and show some of it to casual friends/acquaintances.

My one friend has a 2 year old daughter, Ava. Ava is a very pretty toddler. She's definitely changed her mother. (A regularly punky-like party goer). My friend is surprised at how well I intract with children and how well I get along with her daughter. (I hate to boast but I'm proud of it!) She says Ava normally doesn't talk with anyone. But I've figured out why I get along so well with children: I never stopped being one!

I can't help it that I like Lego Blocks, they are so pretty with their colours and I love building shapes with them. I love the texture of the softer building blocks which I had a bought for Ava's birthday. I like Disney movies a lot. I just do. And my other friend had the cutest baby ever! ^^ I like kids, and I hope to have one soon … but not until just a little bit more established.

But all of this baby-talk causes my OCD to kick in. I mean, I WANT a baby in my future, but what if I hurt him/her? They are so fragile! They depend entirely on you. Would I be able to effectively take care of baby while wrapped up in OCD?

And it's not like I can continue taking the Prozak if I'm pregnant. I'd have to slowly get off of the stuff in case it causes complications. I'd be fine if I could re-take it after birth, but I'd want to breast feed my baby because I believe that to be the best. I couldn't take those pills if I were breast feeding for 6 months.

Meh. Normal people don't concern themselves over such things. There's no doubt in their own minds that they would ever hurt a baby. I wish I didn't feel that way either. I'd only feel OK if my boyfriend were around 24/7 to monitar me with him/her.

Sometimes I feel this same way about my cat. I worry "what if I snap and hurt her?" Kiara is so little. I haven't yet and it's been 7 months but still. xD

Anyway, time to sign off, cat is demanding my attention!