Yesterday I talked to my friend Paul up North.  Paul is one of these people where, we don’t speak that frequently, but every time we do speak I find myself instantly remembering why he means so much to me. We met online nine years ago, when I’d first moved to England and discovered Travis (and made up a really tacky username to reflect that, on AIM).  It was in the AIM ‘Music’ chat. I’m not sure what it was.  I think he found me funny, so he started IMing me, and I thought he was so nice, and we could laugh together, and somehow hours would go by, and I really missed him when he went offline for a long time.[br][br]The funny thing is, I have his phone number and, you know, he’s in the same country as me, so I can easily call him or text him any time I want for no charge, but I just don’t.  We’ve probably spoken on the phone maybe three times? Because we met online, and all the way back in 1999. So I always forget: he’s not in America. He’s in the UK.  And actually…he’s my oldest English friend.  I haven’t known anyone else who’s still here more than about five years.  There was my friend Sam, whom I’m still good friends with, but she moved to Miami when she married an American a couple years ago.[br][br]I met him once.  This is the thing that always gets me: I’ve only actually spent any ‘real’ time with this person for about six hours of my life.  Yet we’ve been friends NINE YEARS. Unbelievable. And, if I think about it, there’s also Alison and Justin, who date back to a few months before I moved, and I met them online too.  And now, after all that time, Ali and Jus are having a baby, and Paul and his girlfriend are having a baby, both due around the same time actually.  This is why none of them can attend my wedding – they’re all expecting practically on my wedding date![br][br]I remember that time I met Paul. He and his friend were down in London for a concert, so I met up with then one day.  I suppose this ties into one of my blogs from a couple days ago because the really crazy thing was how much I wanted him to be attracted to me…despite actually feeling nothing but friendly feelings toward him, myself.  I have no idea if I succeeded, and really, who cares?  But it was strange, at the time, because I was ‘engaged’ to my ex, Josh (whom I so knew, in the deepest part of my heart, it was never, ever going to work with), but I still felt that need to attract.  I chalked it up, at the time, to being involved with someone all the way off in Arizona, and feeling lonely and starved for affection, but you know.  Let’s face it: it really was a deeper issue than just that.[br][br]I’m glad I never really did anything with that feeling.  Glad because I just know I would have screwed everything up and destroyed a really amazing friendship.  I’ve done that with people in the past. And talking to this person yesterday got me thinking: this all could have disappeared.  I might not have had this. I don’t know what it was that saved me from making a fool of myself back then, but I’m very grateful to whatever morsel of sanity kicked in just in time.