Would you commit suicide. I would never ever ever because truth be told and honest to god I would want to see people's reactions and I can't see peoples reactions if I am dead but sometimes I think what it would be like for it all to be over just like that. Just thaat buzz inside your head to be silent.
Anyways so I was on vacation and I was emailing my friend and then I didn't get an answer back. Her aol had shut down but i didn't know that all I knew was that she wasn't answering and i couldn't text her. I started thinking she had killed herself. I started believing it more and more. I would take super long showers which is what I do when I'm depressed because I really don't cry in front of my parents unless I get physically hurt. She is my whole life. I really think a part of me would die ifn she died. Truth be told I love her. I love her so much I almost believe I'm gay but I'm not. As soon as I got back from vacation I texted her asking if she was ok. She answered " Hi! I'm fine, I'm so sorry I couldn't answr emails my aol got hacked". When I told her what I had thought she said "Well, it's not true. You worry too much, everything is going to be okay. Don't worry.". Thank god shes ok at least ok as u count as ok. guess what? I'm so excited I might get an official OCD diagnostic soon and not have to worry I am a complete crazy freak (which I am OCD or not) but just to know that you can be named something. I don't it just would give me more comfort and such. TTYL, Luv_u
Nope, I couldn't. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even at my lowest of low points, I couldn't really consider it. That's not to say I haven't thought about it–I'm sure everyone has. I honestly feel for those who committ suicide. Part of me wants to be pissed at them for such a selfish act. They relieve their suffering, but cause undue harm to those around them. But then, I think, what horrible dark place they must be in to actually kill themselves. I have felt the "I don't want to die, but I'm too afraid to live", but never felt so hopeless that I would think suicide is the answer.
Oddly enough, the last three nights I have had the same dream–my brother committed suicide. I talked to my Mom today and asked how he was doing…she gave a small pause and said not well. He got a concussion last year and ever since he has struggled with anxiety, headaches and the like. She told me what I said took her breath away b/c she had been worried about him lately and thinking what if he thinks that's the answer. Weird, right? Sometimes I think we can feel others pain or feelings. I just hope he can turn things around.