First off, I hope you all had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. I have been reading a lot but have not posted in a while. Over the holiday break I actually was doing really well. I kept busy with family and friends, exercized. There were times where my ocd got the better of me. I still can't get passed the whole licence plate thing. There are times when I obsess "you better get that play number or you will act out your violent thoughts." Another one that has just been driving my crazy is the need to ask people to repeat themselves. If I have not heard everything that someone has said, I need to know. They could not even have been talking to me, but I ask them to repeat themselves. It is really annoying.
Today was my daughter's baptism. I woke up quite sad. This always happens to me when holdiays come to an end. It's not that I don't want to go back to work. I think I just get used to seeing my family and then the stress of the routine chance feeds on my insecurities. I ran into my old boss there with her two children. Then it came, I knew it was coming. The violent thoughts of stabbing. I wanted to cry and run away. But I fought through it.
I am really trying to work through this so I can live a better life. I a on paxil and seroquel now. I have made exposure scripts that I plan to start listening to. I am going to rent movies and expose myself to scenes that i can't watch at the moment. I am starting a support group.
Is there anything else I can do to fight this monster? I want to take control of it in 2011, because for the last part of 2010, ocd really had my number.