I am just so completely done with OCD. I had a really bad spike about two weeks ago right before school started. I still have not completely recovered from the battle with my brain. I am trying everything to refocus my attention. I am really trying not to ruminate but (pardon my French) this shit is messed up. I cannot understand how all these messed up thoughts get in my brain and why they will not go away. I thought I had a break through a couple of days ago, I just said out loud, "this is not possible, I will never be that person, I could never be that person", but it only lasted for a couple of hours. I just want someone to tell me I am ok, like shake me violently maybe expel some of the crazy and tell me I am ok. Tell me,I will grow up and be happy, maybe have a family, love someone, have someone love me and not be like this forever. Is that even possible anymore? I feel like I am in this hole, so deep already, and someone has started pushing the dirt back in. Not to mention my house has turned into a hostel. My whole family has moved back in. My brother is very mentally ill, and can no longer support himself and my other brother is expecting a baby in March. So on top of my parents, my boyfriend, my younger brother, now four morepeople(counting the baby) will be living in the house. In all honesty I dislike being around people, I do not even share a room with my boyfriend. I need space.I need my own littlepart of this worldto feel safe and people make me feel very unsafe. Unsafe is probably the wrong word just uneasy I suppose. I just needed to vent. I really want to feel better so I can focus on school. Any advice?