So I don't know if I have BPD or if I'm just emotionally unstable combined with frequent outbursts of anger. Someone brought it up once that I may have it but I don't know. I tried one of them online screening things which said I do have it but I want to check. Basically I just get angry really easily like the smallest things will set me off especially my sister. She doesn't even have to do anything just her voice and presence ticks me off. And it's not just normal anger it's like so much anger and hate which leaves me agressive and violent and any little thing that happens once I'm angry makes me want to stab someone. Once I'n angry it takes me hours and sometimes days to get out of it which is usually done through music for me but when I get angry my parents blame me for the anger and take my music off me, so I'll usually be angry for a week then try and fake be happy to get it back so I can actually be happy. I also have frequent mood swings and get upset often. People at school like my friends have said in front of me how scary I am when I'm angry which they've obviously seen nothing cause I've never been as angry as I get at home at school. Anyway I just want your opinions on whether you think I have it or its something else or if I'm justemotionally unstable and have anger management issues. Sorry if some things don't make sense in here I'm typing quick and my autocorrect goes crazy sometimes and i cant be bothered reading ithaha. Hope you're all doing good and if you could let me know your opinion that'll be great 🙂
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i have no idea what i can say to help but i do care. anyways i know your pain in a way because im so beyond done myself. listen i know you probably do not give two flying fucks about me but yea if it means anything id help if i could. anyways i may not be here to help, not tht i could anyway, but i may not be for long because ive decided i need to kill myself like really soon. i want to do it tonight because i cant hold on any longer and if i gotta spend another minute suffering through just how this shit feels im gonna die anyway. well anyways i wish you the best of luck and i'll praay for you too before i go but it isnt anyones fault im like this and no i didnt come on here to find you so i could post something suicidal specifically to you to make you worry, its not like that at all. i honestly just saw this was posted by chance and i havent been on here for a long time, but ive been considering killing myself for very long. ive been to the hospital twice since i last talked to you and ive tried many different meds but you know, it doesnt really matter. and ik you probably think that im just going here for attention or ranting and that i haave it so good cuz i have people here for me and you dont and im not saying i have anything worse than you but im not strong enough to deal with what i do have and i dont really care who it hurts anymore. i do but its just too much to handle. anyways, youre a great person, dont let this disorder take over your life. you'll make it through this, that i truly believe. and its very easy for me to just say that but i really do believe it. anyways, probably for the last time ever, im sorry you have to go through this hell and i wish i could take it away from you. im sorry for our past and im sorry for the shitty things ive done and said. i just figured its a good time to clear my slate or try my best to considering i wont be alive much longer… anyways if im alive and if you still even want to chat, which i have no fucking clue why you would after the shit ive said to you and how i acted, im here to try to help. but i wont be much help as of now anyway, ive got too much going on but, im here to talk as long as im breathing. sincerely, Jordan.
im not as shitty of a person as you may think. i have problems but honestly all i fucking care about in this world is other people that matter to me. if it means anything whatsoever you made that list even if i dont always remember you a lot. i really do care though and whether you believe me or not is your choice. anyways a final goodbye, Jordan
i also cant do much to help anyway. not only could i already not because i suck at helping others i feel like and i have no idea what to suggest, but right now im worse than ive been in my entire life and ive never been so suicidal ever. so yea, i dont even know why the hell i posted this, you probably wont read it anyway and ive got nothing to offer you for help but my prayer but, anyway, seriously seek as much help as you can and never give up, you can do this.