Just had a bit of a mini meltdown or maybe now that I think about it more a not so mini melt down. I knew I was acting irrational but my emotions were taking over anyway. How frustrating this feeling can be. When you know you are totally wrong but can't stop. Thank goodness I snapped out of it in not too much time but I am left feeling exhausted by it anyway.
One thing I will say about these tough experiences is that there is a lot to learn from them; about myself and the nature of the disorder. I feel like there is a lot I could write about it all but I think I am going to have to come back to revisit it once I have some distance and better perspective from it all.
One thing I do know that it has to do with is that I get a bit of hysteria when things are changed, I always have. I see now this is a part of my OCD. Oh well something else to work on but also a new opportunity to grow.
I think I can only see this somewhat clearly because of the therapy I have been doing, if not I think I might have lasted longer in my hysteria and sadness. Thank god for good therapists. (oh yeah and meds too…lol)
Hope everyone is doing well. So far many of the experiences I have shared on the blog others could relate to I have a sneaking suspicion this issue probably won’t be an exception. Regardless thank you everyone for your support. Just writing and knowing you are all out there helps me to breathe a little easier 🙂
Hi Somber thanks so much for your feedback. It’s good to know I am not the only one. Yeah its hard cause sometimes things are fun and exciting but I can’t always enjoy them. I have definitely had that experience of freaking out when I get a new thing in my space. I get so confused because I am excited to have it but I also want to get rid of it cause the change makes me nervous. I have had those nights of getting things in an order that “feels right”. I had some new kinds of ocd since then but that definitely does come up sometimes and can be a real pain :/
Sorry for the small font!
Change can certainly cause my OCD to flare. I like how you put a positive spin on this. It sounds as if you're really on top of managing and making the best of things.
Wow! Sounds familiar. My most recent episodes are mostly to do with leaving my comfy own apartment and moving in with my boyfriend (in another state). he didn't keep any part of his part of the deal, and now to my dismay, i believe…he doesn't love me. he certainly doesn't understand me.
Change…not always good, but like you said, an opportunity to grow.
I wish you the best.
Thanks guys for the feedback 🙂 Till now I really did not know how common this can be with ocd. Notahoran I can definitely relate to your situation with your bf. My melt down had to do with mine too. I went to that place of thinking he does not care too .
Good for you though on taking such a big step. I bet it is really hard but it is great that you are challenging yourself. My bf is also not ocd so sometimes it is frustrating trying to explain to him why I am feeling and acting certain ways. I think it is really difficult for a non ocd person to understand because this disorder is so complex. I am not sure I would understand it if I didn't have it…lol. That is why I am so glad I have this tribe it really helps me a lot.
I am trying to communicate more with him and let him know that I am going through something even if he can not totally grasp it. I guess the trick is learning to communicate which can be hard in any relationship so I think we have it extra hard having this disorder.
I think we all can do it though with some extra work and that makes me hopeful.