I am yearning, I am longing, I am searching for a sense of freedom. that sense of love.  my heart feels like it has been ripped out in front of my very eyes. there is laughter in the sight of my blood. joy in my tears. ive held onto this bitterness for so long. the pain follows me. the scars remind me of the person I used to be. sometimes, the person that I miss. ive grown accustomed to the scars. whether physical or emotional. I feel like they protect me. the physical will keep away anyone who wonders if they could handle me by seeing who I truly am marked all over my body. my heart on the other hand, it protects me from humanity. I have built up walls. strong. thick. seemingly unbreakable. my whole world has turned against me. I do not fit in this world any longer. it does not want me here. the universe wants me to be alone. I have caused so much frustration. so much hurt. this world does not need me here. but for some reason it chose to put me here. I do  not know that it was a very wise decision. and I do not trust that the decision will last. I wont do anything intentionally. but if this world decided to take me out, I would not cry, I would not shed a single tear. id rejoice in my demise as the world around celebrated harder than anyone could imagine. no one wants me anymore. I do not belong here.  I was a mistake in this world. the universe has failed. These lies have filled my head daily. I have fought to not hear them for years and the day will come that I know in my heart who I am. Who i’m meant to be. What I am supposed to be. The day is coming and it is near