I started with my suboxone treatment program 3 days ago and so far it has been working great for me.  I've tried so hard for so long to be clean, and i always told myslef that i wouldn't replace my addiction with another substance, i would just stop using.  i wish that that was really possible for me.  I've seen so many of my friends go into the methadone treatment and I always looked at it as pointless.  How can you get clean by using a drug that you would use to get high if you couldn't find anything? Some people may think that doing the suboxone treatment is pretty much the same thing, and I guess it could be if you abuse it.  Thankfully I feel that I am finally at the point where I am ready to be clean and the suboxone is the only think that I can do to help me become on my way to a sober happy life.  I know that I won't be on it forever and that I am just using the treatment to help me get on my way b/c I know that the first part of recovering is always the worst.  I must have tried a million times to quit oxy's cold turkey and I always ended up going back to using.  I would cover up my depression by convincing my self that "i was clean for ___ days so it's ok to use again and then i will quit again" I now know that I do need the help to quit and I am grateful to have found the treatment.  I've had no cravings or withdrawl symptoms yet and I kinda finally feel like I can have a better life.  

    Right now the most depressing part of life right now is starting from nothing.  I have so much past debt that was built from my addiction, and that doesn't just dissapear because you decide to get clean.  It's hard to get home from work and relize that I do have money and I don't have to scrape every penny together to try and get high.  But then again I know that I can't just spend it freely because I want to try and clear my debts and start to rebuild again.  So i guess right now things are the best that they can be and it can only get better with each day that i stay clean and use my treatment the right way.  I don't plan on being on suboxone for the rest of my life.  But right now I do belive that it is the best tool to help me become the person i know and believe I can be.  Someday I will not need the sustance to be normal anymore and that is when I will truely know that I am clean…