Anger..Twisted emotion…how fucking dare you…Dont you think I am tired of feeling like I am being played?  Why do I have to be the one in the dark? I know that the world keeps on turning…I see it spinning around me, doesnt mean I want to be pushed off or left behind.  I am tired I have said that before..yet yuou push you push me to the edge then push some more…Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly FUCK ME…TIME TIME TIME…long time short time no time…I AM OUT OF TIME…in a fleeting second my emotions run the gammet…I am a tyrant in my own head…as I continue to not ever remotely be able to have a shred of happieness for anyone who has abandon me…again to you, just go…get it over with…Push it in to the hilt and give it a TWIST, you said it yourself "when are you going to stop"…I will stop when I can figure out how, and then just maybe Whatever is left can get on with it.  Yeah I am beating myself up pretty bad and I can not even begin to pin point anything…such as where it is coming from, what it is about,  why it bothers me so much…see in my fucked up mind, my actions are ok because I am the one who is "HURT" everyone else holds all the cards…they dictate and have since I came out, what I can and cant do, what I am and am not allowed to do, even to the point of where I can go at times..  SO I dont get to have any control over ME and what MIKE may want, I just am suppose to deal with it, and suck it up…just move on…I live so here in the now for today that I have already shut the door on a beautiful yesteday that I wanted to share here…but I feel sick about it now…like again I am not entitled to it…so now it becomes no longer a beautiful experience but another thing to beat myself up over…and for what? of what benefit do I get by this? see I truely do not like to hurt…I do not like this feeling…I want it to stop I dont want to feed it…EVERYWHERE I TURN I get distracted (Shiney Things) and I can not focus long enough to let this GO….