ive been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks. and being on here and posting and reading what others post. its good to know im not the only one and its others i can relate too. the only person in my life who knows what im really going thru is my husband. other people around think they know my storyh but the only know what i let them see and what i tell them. if they new my whole strory i dont if they would believe it. ive been guilty of that. looking at someone and thinking no that wouldnt do that or they dont look like that kind of person.i but you never know what someone is really going thru and dealing with in thier life. i put on the happy face when im out and around other people or on a job. and had my days that soon as i get off im going to get my drugs so i can run home and shut myself up in my bathroom and just shut the world out. i never looked at myself as an addict until i went to my first NA meeting. i looked around the room at the different people and was surprised because it wasnt what i expected. i guess i knida sterotyped what a crack addict should look like or act and since i didnt act that way i convinced myself well im not like that i dont have sex for drugs i dont look sick i work everyday and maintain so i dont have a problem. i thought i had everything undercontrol. but the drug was controling me and it got out of hand i did everything but have sex for drugs. i lie stole manipulated friends and family. that scared me because i felt like if i keep this up whats next. i had to get myself together. so right now im rebuilding myself and ive had to start from the bottom. but i know everything im going thru is for a reason and will make me stronger day by day.