First i want to say that i just wrote a blog that took me about 30 mins , and thats saying somehting cos i am a pretty fast typer and when i pressed submit there was an error on the page, so i went back and it was gone!! fuck sake  but i am in a good mood so il try to write it again…and god help my computer if it happens again hahah

So anyway i went to my first NA meeitng 2night. I walked up to the place it was on and there was 3 other guys standing outside , i went up and said hi and they told me that the door was still locked so they were waiting on someone to come wiht keys and open it,. we stood there around 5 mins which i was glad of as i got to talk to them a bit . Two other guys came then and we went in, put our chairs in a circle and one guy started off the meeting by welcoming us all ( there were 7 of us, pretty small) and welcoming me as it was my first time, he then read from a leaflet, afte that the girl that came wiht mne read from a book, then 2 other guys read passages from the same book (if anyone knows the book please tell me cos all 3 of them seemed to have the same one!??)after the readings he gave the floor to the guy next to me and he started telling his life story. He was a very nice, gentle man and he was so honest. After his touching story the floor was open for anyone so one by one people began to talk, some responding to his story and some explaining how they identified with him in some way or another. After everyone else, apart from me, had said their piece it went quiet so i took this as my que to say something. No one forced me to or even expected me to talk but i felt i should say someting anyway because everyone had been so honest and shared there personal feelings and thoughts and i felt that it wouldnt be right for me to just sit and listen and not say a word.(thats just how i felt anyway!)  so i just thanked everyone for sharing and being so welcoming to me (when each person talked they all said something subtle in relation to me and it being my first meeting) and told them why i had decided to come. At the end of the meeting everyone stood around talking amongst themselves  one on one or in small groups and i got talking to a fella,he was really nice and we chatted for a while. He then offered me his number and said if i ever needed to talk or anything i could call , which i think was a really kind thing to do. After a while we all started to leave and everyone said to me that they were really glad i had come and they really hoped to see me again.

It was definatley a good experience,i enjoyed it an i think that i would go again, so i feel a bit stupid that i dismissed and fought the NA thing for so long! I just really thought it was a completley different thing than it was. I thought it was all about prayer  and God, which its not. I actually has visions of everyone kneeling down praying for the whole meeting, which is absloutley great if thats is what your in to and it works for you but it would not be what i would be into.I remember when people here at the tribe asked me if i went to NA and i told them no and why i didnt they werent long setting me straight on what its really about, and im so glad for that because it was really good to go tonight and talk with other people who have been in the depths of addiction and really know how it feels and what we are all going through and have been through. Although there are alot of people who find NA / AA  a huge help of course there are also other people who it doesnt work for or who dont 'get it' , and even though i enjoyed the meeting and had a good experience i dont know if it will really work for me so i feel , for now, all i can do is keep going back to meetings and hope that it helps me, because lets face it, i cant afford to turn down something thats might help me to deal with my addiction or make it easier to cope in some way…who can?!!!