I am in pain, and don’t feel like doing anything.  I have to go to outpatient soon (it’s earleir on Saturdays, which seems ass backward to me).  I keep deleting entries when they’re almost done.  (I don’t mean to – I hit backspace at the wrong moment and it backs up the page I’m on instead of the cursor).  So frustrating…

Well, I am not gonna write too much, because I want to lay down for a few minutes before I have to leave for outpatient.

My cat just jumped on the coffee table.  He is attempting  to provoke a response.  He will get down in a minute when he finds no food, and sees that I am not reacting.  Yep, the cat jumped down.  I thought so.  The little sh*t just wanted attention.  Haha…  he’s so spoiled.  I love that cat.  The only time Charlie and I actually discussed a split, he said he was taking the cat.  I said we’d have to see about that.  Back when the cat was crazy, and violent, he was "your cat."  Now that the cat’s just a lovable pain in the ass (he had to have surgery to correct testosterone surges that gave him the build and temperment of a raccoon – prior to the surgery he was about as dangerous as a wild animal.  He LITERALLY could have killed someone.  He put gashes on Charlie that could’ve been lethal if they’d been in the right spots – right after that, he was MY cat, haha.) 

I was just thinking about how important it was for me to get this far, here, at home.  Inpatient doesn’t work foe me.  I need to be able to gut it out, knowing that shit is just a phone call away.  When I’m locked up in an artificial environment, I’m only safe while I’m there.  I needed to be able to do this in the real world.  But, I am not saying this would be right for anyone else.  I’m a stubborn asshole – pay no attention.  And, I never could’ve done this on my own.  I’d be totally lost without Ace, and the rest of my friends,.  Outpatient calls…


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