You know I can not tell you how many times that I have sat by a river and just watched it flow… I got the opportunity to do that this weekend. So for about 2 hours I just sat there after a mile hike in the woods… and what an awakening came over me… as I watched the water flow over the rocks and pebbles… most of the water was clam… and some was in turmoil stuck between two rocks… WOW what an awakening. As I sat there and looked and watched the water I noticed a baby snail crawling on my boot. it moved extremely slow… as I moved a little rock right below the snail, I watched him move quickly to the rock and off my boot…. as I sat there in silence I thought how parallel this whole thing was with my life. If I am by my self with no help I am going to move real slow and with a lot of turmoil. If I ask for help I am going to move quickly with out much turmoil. I sat there looking back threw my life and noticed that that has been the case for most of it. so the next thought came to me, sometime quickly sometimes slowly… you know it does not mater how much time you have in recovery and how many times you say and use these slogans and even apply them but it is a very nice reminder when you GET it… I went back to the group I was with and sought out a very good friend… I sat there with him and talked about stuff that I had no idea was bothering me. He suggested for me to do a few things and it will get better… it is amazing when a friend that I see every so often and who I have known for a little over a year can peg me to a T. so for the last week I have been doing what he has suggested and doing a lot of writing… wow what PAIN… but it is something that I am willing to go threw so that when I do get to the other side I will be even more in touch with who I really am… it is the pits to go back to Childhood for some of this stuff… but as I think about that river and that snail… I want piece and serenity in my life today… I want to be happy joyous and free… I want to Know JOY…..