My life is not my own anymore. This drug has taken over everything, everything in my life is being effected by it, it's destroying everything for me. I have no money, friends, and my graduating college is looking dimmer and dimmer. I just discovered today that I more than likely won't be graduating this semester as originally planned. Which is pretty much completely due to me not going to class, or giving a fuck about anything. Which is due to this drug taking over everything. I got my taxes back a couple weeks ago, a nice $1,600 check, which should have lasted me months, just checked my bank account today and it's aleady all gone. I don't even know the last time I hung out with my friends. I've really lost myself to this stupid substancce. I have no life anymore. And it makes me SO sad just thinking about it. I miss myself. How sad is that?

So I just got my hair done yesterday by an old friend of mine, she used to live with my neighbor who is pretty much my dealer/partner in crime. She is a recovering addict. She used to use/shoot up on the daily. She recently, probably a couple months now, quit, but I keep hearing that she's been lured back to it every now and then. She's a hairstylist and used to do my hair out of my apartment all the time for me, until she moved far away. So I was really excited to hear that she's working at a salon literally 5 min's away from me. I didn't know if she wanted to be near me though, ya know? Like I didn't wanna trigger her or make her uncomfortable. But I got in contact with he & she was more than happy to do my hair for me. Well she did my hair & everything went great, with some slightly uncomfortable conversation here & there, only uncomfortable because we had to watch what we said while we were in her salon. After I left I was naturally heading back to go pick something up and I got a call from her, which was weird, we're only on a texting level, so I had a feeling I knew what she was calling about. After some moe uncomfortable conversation and stumbling around the subject she asked me to get something for her, I felt awful & so did she, but I felt like a hypocrit if I said no. It's her battle too, not mine. But the point in all of this is that it just made me so sad, and grim, looking into my future. How the hell do I even begin to quit this monster? It just looks absolutely impossible. I have no hope, I have no life, and I have no future. This is petty much as down in the gutter as it gets. I just want to die.