Well my life has been a bit of nightmare as of late. I found out I was pregnant a month ago, which was a total shock but a blessing. It was also extremely worrisome as I have been taking an antidepressant as well as ativan before I knew. I have since stopped. No one knows the damage I could have or could not have caused. There are no studies. I had an ultrasound last Tuesday which was a nightmare in it's self. When I went for my first one, they showed me a picture of where the baby was. This time, they wouldn't show us anything, and then she left for about 45 min and came back to tell us we could go straight to the doctor. I knew something was up. We had to wait 2 hours to see the doctor which was very painful. Thank goodness my bf was with me. As soon as the doctor saw us, he said, 'ya, there's no baby'. I started balling and they had to escort me out the back door I was such a mess. I was in shock and didn't accept it. The doc said to get back on my pills as soon as possible, but I just couldn't. Something felt wrong about that. Well I went to the doc on Tues of this week to tell him I was concerned that I had no miscarriage symptoms and he has since sent me for a blood test to check my hormone levels. I got the test back yesterday and they're still high, indication I still may be pregnant. I go back on Tues for another blood test to see if my levels are going down or not. If they're not, I have to have another ultrasound to see what's going on. I'm in limbo now, which is horrible. I don't know what to think. I don't want to get my hopes up and then have them crushed again. On top of that, the doc said my first ultrasound showed the possiblity of twins. 🙁 I've always dreamed of twins, so knowing that I lost them and it's proly cus of my drug use is killing me I can't work right now since I'm such a mess and I just spend all my time pacing the house and crying. I feel bad for my bf for having to put up with me, but I just can't take it. I don't know what to do. I just want answers. "(


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