I don’t remember exactly when I started taking the pills but I do remember why, no hangovers. After I gave birth to my first son I breast fed him for 9 months after. 9 months of clean living while I was pregnant with him and then 9 months of clean living while I was breast feeding, that’s 18 months of sobriety! I felt very entitled to drink my ass off after all was said and done, so I did. I drank so much that there were some days that I can remember laying on the floor weeping to my husband that I could not get up and care for our child because I was too hung over to do so and how I swore that I would never do it again, but of course I did. Do you know how hard it is to care for a young child hung over? Let me tell you, it’s not fun.

The man that lived across the street from us was an older man. He used to sit outside and smoke cigarettes on his front porch. I would look out my living room window and see him out there and think to myself “that looks like a nice guy; maybe I should get to know him”. My chance to get to know this older man came a few months after my husband and I were married. I needed to get my wedding dress sent off to get cleaned and preserved; the only thing was that I needed to be home to sign for the dress upon its return. Well I knew that was not going to happen because I worked 40 hours a week so the form said that I could have the dress delivered to a neighbor. Once day when I saw him out smoking I took my little address form for my dress and bounced across the street and introduced myself. I explained that I was new to the neighborhood and that I needed someplace for my dress to be delivered to, he said that he would be more than happy to help me out and signed my little paper. We became fast friends from there on out. His name was Ken. He was renting a room in that house from an oil rig worker named Kyle and there was a third roommate named Johnny. It was just the 3 guys living there, no girls and I quickly found out that this was the place to hang out and drink. Those guys were so much fun!

I do remember the day that I found out that Ken had pills however. I remember it like it was yesterday. Johnny, Ken and I were sitting across the street in their yard drinking Corona’s. I don’t remember what I said exactly, I am sure it was something about my fondness for pain killers and a few minutes later Ken comes walking out of the house and he throws a bottle of Loratabs at me as big as a baseball. It is funny how clearly I remember that day. I guess you will always remember a day that would change your life forever. I poured about 10 of those pills out of the bottle and in to my pocket, I remember my husband was coming across the street so I had to be sneaky in order to get the big bottle back to Ken without being seen by my husband as he would not approve. My husband is a really good guy and would never take anything unless a doctor told him to. From that day on it was SO easy to get pills. It was so easy it was like ordering them to my mail box. In fact that was exactly what I did. I would text Ken my order and he would walk across the street and put them in my mail box.