What do I put here? I could write about somethings I saw today that made me hopeful or how I’m not dead yet. I could put down a poem or a song. I could talk about what I did all night long. I could send a message of encouragement.

I was going to put down something nice like how adorable my dog is or my pokemon progress but I couldn’t do it. I’m trying my best to be happy but I just can’t. Ever since last night, I have only been able to manage this sadness that I thought was long gone. It’s a sadness that isn’t really caused by anything and can only be traded for short bursts of joy and numbness. I finally let go of the anger and for what? this long cycle of pain and numbness? I want to put down something positive but I’m unable to think of anything that can even be considered such. I’m not going to lie to anybody here just to make a system feel better about itself. I hurt and I don’t want to. I’m doing my best to feel happy or joyous but there’s nothing there. I hope no other person has to deal with this kind of sadness themselves. I’m sure I’ll get better eventually. I just need to keep trying right?

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