February 4th is always a rough day for me and it’s only eased with time. The first five or so years I was crippled with pain and grief I couldn’t function. My great grandmother passed away on this day and it was one of the worst days of my life. I’m estranged from my grandparents (her daughter) so all I had was her. Her daughter is like a grandmother from hell. I loved her as a kid and don’t understand how vindictive and cruel she was until later. When my great grandmother died she nearly stopped us from having a funeral because she didn’t get the ring she wanted. This was someone who wasn’t involved when my great grandmother was sick in the hospital and was dying from a broken heart. When she passed, we immediately had to go into a fight with other estranged family. They took that time where we should’ve been mourning and processing and turned her funeral into a war zone. Now 8 years later, I was treating the day like anyother fay. I didn’t put too much thought into it because if I do I’ll crumble. I really dislike February and don’t want to deal with the stress of it. I’ll always remember waking up the day it happened feeling so sick and I knew something was wrong. They say everything gets better with time which is true but I’m a long ways of getting better when it comes to my feelings for February. It’s like every few weeks is a remind of something else terrible that happens in this month. It’s like an omen to remind me that I can’t always trust. I just want to get on with the month befor i have to deal with it next year and the following year.

1 Comment
  1. iwant2smileagain 2 years ago

    my dad died 2/25 and I know this exact pain..
    the aftermath is crazy too.. everyone saw my dad as a cash cow and literally they still do.. hands are always out. I’m in a rough patch too..
    hopefully we will smile one day..
    some day

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