I’ve always been pretty depressed and anxious. Sometimes I’ll go through a period where I don’t really feel depressed, or I’ll act like I’m alright but normally I know I’m not. My depression is getting worse since I’ve moved to Las Vegas. I moved like 4 months ago, I haven’t found a job yet because I like digging myself in deep holes. I know it’s gotta be mostly laziness, right? But I always feel like I physically can’t do anything. I fucking feel like a failure.
I’m in my mid-practically late twenties soon, everyone else I know is doing well in life. I just feel like a fucking unemployed failure just because I feel depressed and anxious, and am socially anxious. I want to help myself, I want to be healthier, to lose weight and be mentally stable. I mostly just want to get a good job and be financially stable for once. I just always feel like I’m not good enough for anything. Like I’m too dumb, even though I know that’s ridiculous because I’m a bright person who just doesn’t have enough confidence. I fear silly things like applying to jobs because it makes me feel stressed out and also because I know it will lead to uncomfortable interviews and such.
I need to get new health insurance because I have medicaid but I moved here from the east coast and now I need to apply for it again. I really need to go through the process again because I have asthma and eczema and need my meds, but I also think that I really need to see a therapist. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to take medications for depression and anxiety, if they would even work, if I’d experience bad side effects, and if I would become addicted to them.
Right now, I really just wanna focus on finding a job because I feel like such a broke failure who is about to turn 26 soon. Everyone in the family right now is kinda like, “What the fuck is she even doing?” What was the point of me going to college and taking out loans I’ll have to pay back forever if I can’t even get a good job?