I’ve always been pretty depressed and anxious. Sometimes I’ll go through a period where I don’t really feel depressed, or I’ll act like I’m alright but normally I know I’m not. My depression is getting worse since I’ve moved to Las Vegas. I moved like 4 months ago, I haven’t found a job yet because I like digging myself in deep holes. I know it’s gotta be mostly laziness, right? But I always feel like I physically can’t do anything. I fucking feel like a failure.

I’m in my mid-practically late twenties soon, everyone else I know is doing well in life. I just feel like a fucking unemployed failure just because I feel depressed and anxious, and am socially anxious. I want to help myself, I want to be healthier, to lose weight and be mentally stable. I mostly just want to get a good job and be financially stable for once. I just always feel like I’m not good enough for anything. Like I’m too dumb, even though I know that’s ridiculous because I’m a bright person who just doesn’t have enough confidence. I fear silly things like applying to jobs because it makes me feel stressed out and also because I know it will lead to uncomfortable interviews and such.

I need to get new health insurance because I have medicaid but I moved here from the east coast and now I need to apply for it again. I really need to go through the process again because I have asthma and eczema and need my meds, but I also think that I really need to see a therapist. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to take medications for depression and anxiety, if they would even work, if I’d experience bad side effects, and if I would become addicted to them.

Right now, I really just wanna focus on finding a job because I feel like such a broke failure who is about to turn 26 soon. Everyone in the family right now is kinda like, “What the fuck is she even doing?” What was the point of me going to college and taking out loans I’ll have to pay back forever if I can’t even get a good job?

4 Comments
  1. iwant2smileagain 2 years ago

    Hey… I’m 32 and I recently started taking my meds. I’m on Wellbutrin the lowest dosage. but I feel like I need to up my dosage.
    I notice that on and around my cycle. I get in the most moodiest funks. crying spells.

    its hard out here. I’m a woman, single woman. with no kids or a man and I work hard for nothing. I’m so close to going to the food bank. I shop at the dollar tree bcz that’s all I can afford. I’m not a bad person with money. I just don’t have any. its hard to save what u don’t have.

    you are smart. the fact that youre on here looking for answers prove that you can do it and you wanna do it.
    keep pushing. u can make it.. three months from now will be so different for u!

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    • Author
      blindedblue 2 years ago

      Hey, there’s nothing wrong with going to a food bank, especially when you know you should. My mom and grandma have, and it does help. I also shop at 99 cents and dollar stores for most of my food/needs. Thanks for your comment!

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  2. bridgie101 2 years ago

    first thing’s first get some medication. Go to a counselor, get meds if you can. You don’t have the time to dick about wondering if you’ll get addicted, hate side effects, etc etc etc. that rhubarb is just distracting you from the main issue:
    You need food on the table. Hell. you need the table.

    So you need to do whatever the hell you have to do to get that food on that table in that flat. And I’d say first stop doctor. You really only have to drag yourself that far, and then things start to make their own momentum. you have lost motivation, you are in a funk, you are depressed and you are very anxious.

    You are entirely out of your comfort zone and terrified of all the steps you have to get through to get moving. I think everyone has been there. I think you just need to get meds, anaesthetise the terror, and then you’ll be right. You can come off the meds after a couple of years if you want to. I did. It’s slow, but not an addiction per se. You just have to take going off meds quietly and let it take a year.

    🙂

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    • Author
      blindedblue 2 years ago

      Yes, I think you’re right and I really don’t have the time to be dicking around. I’d never considered meds before but I believe they could help me at this point in my life. Thanks for the advice!

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