…and I’m not invited.

Back in January I found out from a mutual friend that Sarah was engaged. The wedding date was set for today, May 26th. She had sent out a notice via e-mail. I never got that e-mail. I know I didn’t get that e-mail on purpose.

Sarah was one of the few friends I kept on bitching about my depression. I was just hoping for a sympathetic ear, and she was that. But she also tried to fix the problem. “I can’t help you.” “Go see a counselor.” “Are you taking your medication.” Blah, Blah, Blah.

Well, on Thanksgiving that’s when I snapped and starting planning on getting a gun to go on a killing spree. I told her about it, she talked to me like she was my mom, I told her I was taking medication and counseling but they weren’t doing shit for me.

She never spoke to me again. *NEVER.* No e-mails, no phone calls, no letters, no nothing. A few months later when new medication and counseling was improving things I sent her a message about the wedding invite, thinking I was left off on purpose. I told her I was feeling better and I wanted to still be friends. Nothing.

The silence was deafening. I removed her e-mail address from my address book. She was no longer my friend. In fact since that day I found out she was engaged I’ve never talked to any of our mutual friends except three, and those three I haven’t heard from since the Super Bowl.

I thought about calling her this weekend. I wasn’t going to harass her. Just call her once to congratulate her on her upcoming marriage and wish her well. I never did. I figured that when she didn’t reply to my e-mail in January that was it. No more friendship. She never wants to hear from me again.

People are confused by my depression. They don’t know how to handle it so I guess after a while they decide they’ve heard enough of my bitching and leave me on the side of the road of life. It sucks, but I’m starting to get used to it.

Rejection. For me it’s a way of life.

Later,[br]
Joel