Today is the 10th anniversary of my diagnosis with HIV. I feel the need to share my story – unfortunately it is not wise for me to so at my local AA meetings – stigma, fear and ignorance still exist.
 
First of all – my health is good, I’m grateful to my docs and medical science and even more grateful to the early victims that gave their lives as human guinea pigs in developing effective treatment.
 
My virus was reduced to undetectable after a few months of starting treatment. My immune system is strong and continues to improve. Sober living helps. I have been lucky – the meds I started on and continue to take do not cause major side effects for me. Also my virus has not become resistant necessitating a change in meds. Must be my Irish heritage.
 
The year prior to my diagnosis was hell. I had a variety of infections (shingles, ear and nose bugs and nasty flus). I was missing a lot of work and a new boss put me under the microscope. I went from a top performer to on probation after 18 years of strong performance. Finally my doc did a HIV test. I received my diagnosis on voice mail – I had full blown AIDs. My second thought was for my girlfriend (my first was for me). She later tested negative.
 
I wrestled with disclosing my status to my company but decided against it. The oil business had a bad reputation in this area. Half way though November I was fired. It was messy and I won’t get into the details. I hired a lawyer and after some ugliness I was rehired on disability. This was essentially a pay off for my silence – it would not have been good PR for my company.
 
Shorty after loosing my job my girlfriend dumped me and took up with my best pal. I picked up with a better looking legal secretary who also happened to be a crackhead –within a month I was hooked.
 
A triple whammy! Three losses. It was the loss of my career that really whacked me. My profession was my passion and my identity – I was good at it and I loved it. I was at the top of my game – a world class expert. I went from 60 mph to zero instantly. Crack took away all my pain – I would find out it would also take away everything else (finances, morals and self respect).
 
Fast forward. Three years of going hard had brought me to a bottom – I started the process of recovery. Several treatments centers, several relapses. Finally a 90 day program that seemed to take. What was different? It was in a small town away from the mean streets AND it was in the heart of the badlands – full of fossils, geology and a world class museum of palaeontology. After treatment I got a volunteer job doing research and applying my expertise. I had found myself again – Brent was back.
  
So here I am. I have moved away from the museum and started my own hobby biz doing geological tours. It’s a good life – I have shed big resentments around my losses. Now I believe my higher power had different plans for me. Rather than being an earth raping petroleum geologist I was meant to be a giver – to share my joy of the earth with others. A single hour with a family and some wide eyed kids it way better than my combined best days in the oil patch. Who knows I may influence a kid that will go on to solve global warming.
 
What a long, strange (and cool) trip it has (and continues) to be. I was a victim, then a survivor – now I’m a thriver. I’m so grateful to recovery. Tomorrow I’m doing my first AIDs walk to mark the end of this decade and launch my next.
 
 Brent