Normally, I wouldn't be posting family problems in a blog, but I feel such a need to vent to some people who might understand. I am SO annoyed and frustrated! I suppose I should be happy that my dad is taking me "seriously" when I tell him I think I have OCD. But at the same time, he's treating me like a gullible child. Sure, dad I decided I must have OCD from watching Monk and taking a survey I found on the internet! Do you really think I'm that stupid?!
He's being open to that I might have it, yet at the same time he's saying he hasn't seen any of the symptoms in me. Oh, really, father? "Why is all this junk around here? Why are we keeping these toilet paper tubes and kleenex boxes?" Well, dearest father, because I CAN'T throw them away!!! "Why are you taking such long showers?" Well, father, the REAL answer? I can't stop scrubbing and washing and rewashing and shaving and cleaning the razor. I've stopped even shaving because it takes so long, and still take an hour in the shower. That's not including the 15-20 minute prep for taking the shower, and who knows how long to dry off and get dressed afterward. Oh, yes, and while in the shower, I can't stop checking the clock to see how long I've been in there.
"Why are you still there touching the cat when I'm waiting for you?" Well, father, the honest answer is that I cannot stop; it doesn't feel "right" yet. And it's driving me MAD!!! Yet he doesn't see it. Duh; because he doesn't know the real reasons why I'm doing things. He himself has told me before that people with OCD are good at hiding it.
But really, what did I expect? He never seemed to take it seriously last year when my sister told him how bad my anxiety was getting; the anxiety attacks…. I say again–aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!
I can realate on the shower issue. I take any where from 1 1/2 to 3 hours to get ready and usually take 2-3 showers a day because I CAN"T stand to feel sweaty or dirty. My hands look terrible, cracked and bleed from washing so many times. I ama cashier and can't wear gloves cause I am afraid of the money coming up short so guess who has hand sanitizer at her station???I USE it religously! My family has just started realizing that my OCD is out of control. They are making me get back into therapy cause it was helping a little when I went in the past. I hope you get some peace of mind soon. I know it makes you feel trapped, I feel like I am in my own personal Hell with no one to save me or help me escape. Best wishes to you!
Exactly how it feels–like I'm trapped. I hate feeling sweaty and dirty all the time, but my compulsions have tired me out so much that I end up just sitting around in my sweat, postponing my showers because I don't feel like dealing with them. If I get started on cleaning (my house, myself, whatever…), then I can't stop the compulsions. If I just don't do it at all, voila! I have time to do other things, except that I'm constantly thinking about how dirty I feel. Now I don't have a regular job, so I can get away with that more…. If I'm going out in public, I have to make myself get cleaned up, then the compulsive cleaning begins…. *sigh*
Best wishes to you, too! 🙂
I know what you mean about the shower. it used to take me such a long time just to get ready to get in the shower, and then it would often take me at least an hour or more to take one… washing and rewashing until it "felt right," I suppose. it doesn't take me as long anymore, but I've still got my own problems when it comes to taking a shower…
as for the cat thing, I can totally understand that too! like you have to pet her or touch her til it feels "just right"… I understand. happens to me with pretty much everything.
oh, and I also have a really hard time throwing things away…
yeah i know how that feels. It's so frustrating. Before i told anyone and nobody knew it was just, why are you late all the time?, why are you looking in the mirror when we should have left 20 min ago?, etc etc..
once i had told them it got to a ponint i got so pissed off i decided every time i would answer it's my ocd i can't help it. Just to meke them realiza that it's a constant thing, it's not there and gone in a few days. Eventuelly my mum said she was fed up with me saying about my ocd and and blaming everything on it, because i wouldn't go to the doctor and do something aout it. Not that she was being nasty or anything, she had a point, but then i felt i just couldn't face up to going to the doctor. Any way i think the message got through to her that it's something you have to deal with and that it's always there . It's partly why i finally decided to go because when i get my diagnosis i can say to people and it seems more credible. anyway best of luck .
p.s. i also keep things. I have a bucn of stones i picked up in the street at some point in my life and can't thorugh away, old receipts … i feel emotionally attched , its weird lol
Thank you all for your words of understanding and encouragement! 🙂