IS TODAY THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE?  OR THE LAST?    I JUST READ ONE OF MY OWN PAST BLOG\'S AND I MUST BE STUPID.  I AM STILL IN THE SAME PLACE THAT I WAS IN IN 2008, WITH THE SAME VERBAL ABUSE GOING FULL SPEED AHEAD WITH THE SAME MEAN SPIRITED MAN.  HE SAID HE WOULD BE BUSY CHRISTMAS DAY – HE\'S GOING TO THE MOVIES, BECAUSE HE DOESN\'T WANT TO BE AROUND MY "?UCKING" FAMILY FOR THE DAY.  HIS REASON – THEY HAVE MADE THE LAST 20 PLUS YRS OF "HIS" LIFE MISERABLE.  THESE PEOPLE I LOVE HAVE NEVER DONE ONE THING AGAINST HIM AND HAVE ONLY OFFERED HIM THEIR LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AS MY PARTNER.  HE HATES THEM.  CALL\'S THEM EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK.  "REALY"??  THIS IS A MAN WHO\'S OWN 5 CHILDREN BARLEY EVEN SPEAK TO HIM, 3 OF HIS SON\'S HAVE NOT CALLED HIM ONCE IN OVER 20 YEARS THAT I KNOW OF.  NOT TO MENTION HE TOLD ME THE OTHER NIGHT THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN HAPPY FOR THE LAST 20 PLUS YRS. AND HE PLANS TO "MOVE OUT" WHEN HE SAVES UP ENOUGH MONEY TO DO SO.  HE\'S 73 YRS OLD, BROKE, NO PROPERTY, NO SAVINGS, OWE\'S ME ABOUT $80,000.00, AND HAS BEEN SOOO VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO ME YOU WOULDN\'T BELIEVE IT.  OH MY GOD I MUST BE SO DESPERATE TO BE LOVED ….. HOW SAD.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?  WHY CAN\'T I JUST TELL HIM TO GO, BE HAPPY DO WHATEVER, JUST MAKE THIS EMPTY HURT I FEEL GO AWAY.  I LOVE THE GOOD SIDE OF THIS MAN, BUT MY FEELINGS FEEL NUMB TOWARD HIM NOW AFTER ALL THE HATE FILLED THINGS HE SAYS TO ME.  IF I HAVE MADE HIM THAT UNHAPPY….WHY DID HE COME BACK LAST YEAR AFTER HE MOVED OUT FOR 6 MONTHS?  MY OCD IS IN FULL ROAR, BANKRUPTCY LOOMING, HE WANT\'S OUT AND I FEEL DEAD INSIDE.  I REALY DON\'T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON………..