IS TODAY THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE?  OR THE LAST?    I JUST READ ONE OF MY OWN PAST BLOG\'S AND I MUST BE STUPID.  I AM STILL IN THE SAME PLACE THAT I WAS IN IN 2008, WITH THE SAME VERBAL ABUSE GOING FULL SPEED AHEAD WITH THE SAME MEAN SPIRITED MAN.  HE SAID HE WOULD BE BUSY CHRISTMAS DAY – HE\'S GOING TO THE MOVIES, BECAUSE HE DOESN\'T WANT TO BE AROUND MY "?UCKING" FAMILY FOR THE DAY.  HIS REASON – THEY HAVE MADE THE LAST 20 PLUS YRS OF "HIS" LIFE MISERABLE.  THESE PEOPLE I LOVE HAVE NEVER DONE ONE THING AGAINST HIM AND HAVE ONLY OFFERED HIM THEIR LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AS MY PARTNER.  HE HATES THEM.  CALL\'S THEM EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK.  "REALY"??  THIS IS A MAN WHO\'S OWN 5 CHILDREN BARLEY EVEN SPEAK TO HIM, 3 OF HIS SON\'S HAVE NOT CALLED HIM ONCE IN OVER 20 YEARS THAT I KNOW OF.  NOT TO MENTION HE TOLD ME THE OTHER NIGHT THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN HAPPY FOR THE LAST 20 PLUS YRS. AND HE PLANS TO "MOVE OUT" WHEN HE SAVES UP ENOUGH MONEY TO DO SO.  HE\'S 73 YRS OLD, BROKE, NO PROPERTY, NO SAVINGS, OWE\'S ME ABOUT $80,000.00, AND HAS BEEN SOOO VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO ME YOU WOULDN\'T BELIEVE IT.  OH MY GOD I MUST BE SO DESPERATE TO BE LOVED ….. HOW SAD.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?  WHY CAN\'T I JUST TELL HIM TO GO, BE HAPPY DO WHATEVER, JUST MAKE THIS EMPTY HURT I FEEL GO AWAY.  I LOVE THE GOOD SIDE OF THIS MAN, BUT MY FEELINGS FEEL NUMB TOWARD HIM NOW AFTER ALL THE HATE FILLED THINGS HE SAYS TO ME.  IF I HAVE MADE HIM THAT UNHAPPY….WHY DID HE COME BACK LAST YEAR AFTER HE MOVED OUT FOR 6 MONTHS?  MY OCD IS IN FULL ROAR, BANKRUPTCY LOOMING, HE WANT\'S OUT AND I FEEL DEAD INSIDE.  I REALY DON\'T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON………..

2 Comments
  1. mandy86 12 years ago

     Stay Strong love.

    I dont know what your going through but I took some advice lately that helped me with some big problems in my life and that is that you have to do things for yourself. You have to put you first sometimes. I’m sure your a great person and you dont deserve that kind of treatment. I know I used to date a guy who verbally abused me constantly and treated my family the same way. I couldnt bring myself to leave but when I finally did and looked at it from another pers[ective I realized it was so much for the better 

    I know that probably dosnt help the hurt that you feeling but dont give up , if you ever want to talk I’m totally here to listen just send a msg along,

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    This is a rough crisis time, very rough.  But you can and will go on.  You will grieve the loss of your 20 year habit.  When the grief passes you will ffeel freer and lighter that  the non ending stream of toxicity is over.  Strength you ties with your own family.  Let them support you through the impending rough patch.  Remember in the end, you are better off without the person who says he doesn’t want to be with you.  He sounds like a weak person who is just a taker and since you have no more to give , he has to move on to someone else he can take from,  Cry, journal, blog, spend more time with your family, take up a hobby or do any of them that gfves you relief and strength to more forward.

    Best wishes, lol

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