It seems so obvious when I look back, but I guess that’s the benefit of hindsight. I am an addict. I’ve always been an addict. There’s always been a substance that I have way too much of. It started of as Dr Pepper and as a kid I had litres and litres of the stuff everyday. I don’t really know why i did it. That eventually stopped and I wish I knew why so I could give myself some advice at this point.

Then it changed to alcohol. I started by telling myself I’m a social drinker but then the odd beer starts happening when I’m alone. I start craving something stronger and before I knew it that odd beer became a vodka and a single drink became a single bottle. it wasn’t long before the small bottle became a large one.

I can’t stop myself when I go out.  I am that loud embarrassing drunk in the corner of the bar that everyone else says, thank god that’s not me. I loose huge chunks of time. I know I can’t stop myself. As soon as I have that first sip there’s no going back.

I don’t wake up craving alcohol. I’m not very good at this drinking thing really. I need to change. I need to accept I’m always going to be an addict. I need a healthier addiction.

It’s hard being in lockdown and trying to avoid the alcohol isle at the supermarket

  1. niamho 2 years ago

    I relate to this so much. I’ve always been an addict too, but with me it went from booze/weed to prescription pills to harder drugs and eventually to Heroin which I’ve been addicted too for years now. I keep on trying to stop but it’s so fucking hard. I also want to find a healthier addiction as I know no matter what I do I always do it with an addictive edge to it. If you ever want to talk I’m here ❤️

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  2. krystenc 2 years ago

    Started stashing children’s Tylenol (yeah the chewable stuff lol) when I around 5…that was found and I got much better at hiding stuff when I got older. Percocet, Vicodin, anything with Codeine…whatever I found in med cabinets. Mostly I didn’t take it when I was young. I just stashed it “just in case”. When I needed to escape from the shitshow I lived in. Lost friends and family in accidents and to crazy diseases (who dies of pulmonary hypertension at 22yrs old and pancreatic cancer at 39?)
    Got addicted to painkillers a few yrs ago. Started drinking more. Lost my job due to other circumstances and ended up in an outpatient program which was embarrassing…Then got clean for almost a yr.
    Started drinking more again. Relapsed on what ever I could get my hands on. Then clean again. Bringing me to now – quarantine drinking. Depressed. Anxious. Yep. Trying to deal with it on my own. So yeah, I hear ya. I wish I could offer some advice…just know that neither of u guys are alone.

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  3. daniedan 2 years ago

    Stay strong!! You can do this. I just Started my journey to freedom. I was Drinking everyday and doing all kinds of drugs. One night when we ran out of cocaine, i actually Crushed up my adderol
    Wtf!! So if I can go cold turkey in the middle of quarantine. So can you. Wake up early and get right out of bed. Start a new routine. Stick to it. It’s the only thing that keeps me going. I lost 15lbs. Starting reading again, try and learn a new skill that you’ve always wanted to learn. ( we have enough time on our hands so keep them busy ) what helps me stay convicted is every time the thought creeps into my head, i replace The good feelings with all the bad times that my addictions hurt everyone i loved. I think About the good friends I’ve lost and the crappy ones who aren’t really my friends ( you know the party people ) thoughts of loss and shame.
    It’s a rough road but we will get through this, and we will come out even stronger than before.

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