So I saw a new psychistrist yesterday. I spent an hour and a half with him. I told him as much as I could about myself, then he spent the rest of the time talking to me. He told me that yes, I have classical ocd, and gave me a rundown of the illness. He then told me about treatment, and that cbt and meds is most effective. He told me I need to practice relaxation techniques, as well as other cbt strategies so that I can manage the anxiety before it reaches the level where I need to do my ritual. He also indidcated that is is quite possible for my paxil to have "pooped out," however, given that it is in the middle of the school year, he would not try changing my meds until summer. In July, we might try luvox. All in all I was very happy. He was funny, blunt, and I liked him. I felt great last night and this morning.
Today we had a PD day on technology. Things were going great, and then it happened. It was like a bomb. "Remember back in September when you posted to your support group from work about going on that adult site and obsessing that it was child p*orb"? "Well, what if they now have a red flag file on you that you are crazy and not ever to hire you again"? "Then you really would be depressed because you would be out of work and couldn't support your family and you really might hurt someone and end up in jail."
So I need to deal with these catastrophizing events cognitively. I am letting the thought be there. I am saying to myself, yes, it might happen, you will never know. I am going to refocus and do something else. But, I still feel a lot of anxiety. My wife is gone for the weekend and I have Lucy all weekend. I had so many things planned for us, and I can't afford to be like this. What else can I do to get through this obsession?