i don’t like getting sad in public but sometimes i get a bit overwhelmed. today I felt myself starting to cry on the bus. I know I am really lucky and I have a lot of support and caring people in my life but I sometimes even hate leaving work in the evening because it means I’m going home and I don’t feel comfortable at home. I live in a sharehouse with quite introverted people which I thought would suit me at first because I’m pretty particular about stuff, but i really really really miss having people I can talk to at home. And if I’m home it means at some point i will have to leave and i feel like it’s just a matter of time before I get all panicky and stressed. I am constantly preparing to deal with my ocd thoughts and can’t relax. i just want to feel like my home is home. I miss living with family and friends. I miss being happy at home. i miss having a dog. i miss cooking. i miss ironing. i haven’t ironed in 3 years because I am scared of obsessing over whether i turned it off. and i am scared of using the gas. i am scared of turning on the friggin tap sometimes because I am scared ofnot turning it off properly. WTF??? I wish i didn’t care so much about everything. I wish i could get on with the minutiae of living and not give a second thought to every little possible catastrophic effect. Have you seen the film Final Destination? I felt like I should sue the writer because he’d stolen my mental thought processes. I would like to tell my imagination to go away sometimes. i would LOVE to use the griller. my tummy hurts from slouching. thanks for listening to my drivel.