Well, as I told a few of you in the chat earlier, the ex boyfriend was bugging me earlier. Wanting to go out for dinner, of course not on a date or in any romantic setting, and wanted to do this this Friday. I said No, I didn't want that. Then he said that if the timing was wrong, he could do Saturday. I still said No. I told him to wait, chill, relax, let it be. Then he started saying I owe him this much, after how nice he's been to me, and that I've let my psychologial problems ruin our relationship. This did not make me any more keen on seeing him, and I told him so. This was all over IM. I actually ended up writing NO in all caps – and I never use all caps. Then I logged myself off the IM

….and tonight again… i changed my fb status to "looking forwards to going on a sunday walk with Jeppe (friend) and dog….

And stupidhead sent me a message: "So sorry you never wanted to go on a Sunday walk with me"

Yup, he's erased. .

He tried to call. He sent messages. Called again. Another message recieved. Another call. Message. Call. Message. I didn't want to read the messages, they probably say I'm immature to end what he calls a discussion with not talking, but I didn't care. So, I went about my business, getting dressed, ignoring the phone, delivering the food I'd promised to make for a friend, and went to sit down with a beer and relax at the pub. And, lo and behold. within two minutes, he was there. I had not even taken a sip of my beer. He told me he didn't mean it "that" way, that I misunderstand everything. As usual, all is my fault. So I told him that if he wants to be friends with me, he needs to lay off the stress. Cool down for a while. Not stress. And he asked me to be more open, more recieving, more willing to answer, more… friendly. I told him I could be so if he gets a grip, but that the things he's been saying doesn't help. He apologised. I told him I don't need any more guilt trips, I've got enough on my own. He said he doesn't want me to feel guilty because of him. So I told him to stop saying things like "I don't eat anything" and "It's your fault for letting your disease get in the way" and "You've wasted my life" and suchlike. 

I know I'm a pushover, and need to get him out of my life. But, stupid as I am, I am willing to give him ONE more chance to be friends. I've told him to lay off saying stupid things, things that make me feel bad. He knows exactly how to make me feel like shi*, and if he does it again I will stop all communication. 

I also know I'm still a bit shocked after him coming looking for me. I know I was probably still a bit shocked and not thinking right while talking to him. But I also know I want to be friends. The thought of someone hating me is difficult, so I try my best to make myself understood without hurting people. I don't know if this is just silly or whatever…. Yes, you will tell me I'm not doing things right, that I need to delete everything, but I'm remembering all the good times, the trips, the vacations, the life we had together. I know I'd like to be able to stay friends, but wether it can be done or not is up to him – not me.