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I can't help but stop and go over stuff I have been through in my mind sometimes.. I had a really bad childhood. Half the stuff I wouldn't even dare write in fear to totally reliving it. I think, wow how did I get this far. Don't get me wrong…I am not rich. We struggle and all. But I am so proud of us for getting so far. For me to even be sane…haha ok so you get the idea. Then I think of my son Alexander. He has Asperger's…which is high functioning autism. He has social problems and literal thinking because of it. He has OCD and sensory integration dysfunction…oh please there is such a long explanation for it I can't start in on it. He is super smart and all but has to be home schooled this year due to not being heavy enough for the amount of medication he needs to function around people. Yes, I believe in medication for my kid. I think though, wow what will it be like when he is a teen?….will he find a love to be with?…lots of stuff I wonder. Will I raise him forever? One thing is for sure is when he needs me I will be there because in a big way I understand….I understand now. I say it's harder raising a kid with bipolar than having it myself. I feel bad he can't control his OCD or even his social stuff he deals with. I wonder wow if he senses a lose for the twin he should have had. I mean I was not even three months pregnant when I miscarried his twin. He tells me he loves me and I am beautiful alot. Does he feel it? Surely so. I wish I could share the love I feel for my kids….it's so amazing. 

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