I can't believe it, a new year and I'm in the same place I was this time last yr. same set of problems and no end in site. The septic tank need to be repaired and pumped out drain fields need fixing etc. I'm dirty, my clothes are dirty, the house is filthy a real health hazzard, it could be declared unfit for human habitation because of the septic backing up in the house ,the black mold, etc., we're faced once again with losing the house and mom is 73 yrs. old and gets 600.00 a month that's it, her med's take most of that, I still have no car, no job, no electricity in my part of the house, I have no escape, no help and have lost all hope. Everyone like there has to be some way of getting help like I guess they think I haven't beat my brains out trying, you can only do so much with no car. There simply is no one that will step up to the plate and pick me up and brush me off, lol.

I truley have lost any hope I had. I really don't see any reason to carry on. No one misses me, no one cares enough to help me, help comes with a hefty price tag. I cannot tell you how many people have said and promised me they were going to help me but then nothing, like Dan, perfact example ( a man whom I meet and dated for 3 months promised all kinds of things and said he loved me then didn't deliver on any level)

I am stripped of the bare human basics to feel like a productive, vital person.

I am ready to write some letters and to say my goodbye's, but we all no that's not allowed.

No escape, no one to turn to, no one to help, no one to comfort me, hold me, love me, no one to value me for who I am, who I could be, No one to rush in and save the day. There's no one here for ME. My life isn't worth anything anymore, no family, no career, no husband, friend, lover, child,no beatiful place to call home, nothings left except the meer shell of a person who sits here day after day blogging her sadness into infinity. There's been no change…. without change there is inevitably death.