I can't believe it, a new year and I'm in the same place I was this time last yr. same set of problems and no end in site. The septic tank need to be repaired and pumped out drain fields need fixing etc. I'm dirty, my clothes are dirty, the house is filthy a real health hazzard, it could be declared unfit for human habitation because of the septic backing up in the house ,the black mold, etc., we're faced once again with losing the house and mom is 73 yrs. old and gets 600.00 a month that's it, her med's take most of that, I still have no car, no job, no electricity in my part of the house, I have no escape, no help and have lost all hope. Everyone like there has to be some way of getting help like I guess they think I haven't beat my brains out trying, you can only do so much with no car. There simply is no one that will step up to the plate and pick me up and brush me off, lol.

I truley have lost any hope I had. I really don't see any reason to carry on. No one misses me, no one cares enough to help me, help comes with a hefty price tag. I cannot tell you how many people have said and promised me they were going to help me but then nothing, like Dan, perfact example ( a man whom I meet and dated for 3 months promised all kinds of things and said he loved me then didn't deliver on any level)

I am stripped of the bare human basics to feel like a productive, vital person.

I am ready to write some letters and to say my goodbye's, but we all no that's not allowed.

No escape, no one to turn to, no one to help, no one to comfort me, hold me, love me, no one to value me for who I am, who I could be, No one to rush in and save the day. There's no one here for ME. My life isn't worth anything anymore, no family, no career, no husband, friend, lover, child,no beatiful place to call home, nothings left except the meer shell of a person who sits here day after day blogging her sadness into infinity. There's been no change…. without change there is inevitably death.

2 Comments
  1. Dev 9 years ago

    I'm so sorry for you Di. No matter my age, people on this site care about you even if we don't see you. I will be here if you ever need someone to talk to. Life will turn around for you di!

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  2. flowermantis 9 years ago

    Di,I am so so sorry to hear this about you,Im praying for you Di,and things gotta pick up for you.Di,here in Australia we have unemployment benefits and help for ppl who truly want to get out there,is there nothing like that in the US?

    Im not going to patronise you ,I respect you way too much for that,but I do know what its like to have nothing ,be alone,sick and so very scared.But like i told you I got a miracle out of the blue when i got my job,I had no references ,hadnt worked in years and was 39 years old,what i mean is it came out of the blue,I had no one.So there a tiny chance of things happening when it seems no way on earth can it happen,so it can happen for you.Is there no where in the US they can help you with some clean clothes,food and help to get even a part time job at first?Im sure if there was you would be doing it,I know the US is tough when you have nothing,we are lucky here in Australia I guess.

    Im praying for you Dianne,please hang in there,remeber my miracle of a job came out of no where,absolutely nowhere so it can happen,it WILL happen.

    Take care Di,your in my thoughts.

    Flowermantis X

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