It’s a few minutes before midnight.  i’ve been chatting with my daughter for a couple hours now!!!!  *sigh  i’ve tried to ask the right questions and not openly accuse her of anything…. If she’s being honest with me, she’s in a weird state, physically–still trying to figure out what’s causing her seizures, which just began on 23 June..  So, i just sent her some more money.  i’m not completely second-guessing it, but the doubt is still lingering.  ya know?  i wish i could feel sure about my choice, especially after my husband told me not to.  But, she’s my daughter and the money’s supposed to be for her medical bill and medicines.  She did share with me a little more about  her pregnancy and birth of my grandson, and a smidgen about her brother, too.  i wish i had some answers to help her, concerning her struggle, right now.  But, i don’t.  i’m just trying to keep my eyes and ears open and pay attention, as best i can.  i mean, this is a small step in moving forward, i think, since she sent me pics of Gabe, the other day–i’ve been asking since he was born, four years ago.   She (and her brother) were taken care of, when i was with them.  i know there were things they wanted–but, what kid doesn’t want more…and more..and more, of one thing or another?  Of course, looking back, i can see a lot of mistakes i made, as well as other things i should’ve paid more attention to.  But, life is no more than a series of lessons–you either pay attention and learn from them, or are destined to keep repeating…(something like that, anyway)

i dunno if i can really “feel” any difference, since my meds were increased, a few weeks ago.  i mean, yeah, i feel like i’m a little busier, or trying to be, but my thoughts seem to be cloudy, a lot lately.  i know i still have a lot of anxiety about this resubmission–residency application, for the third time–but, that’s not it.  i’m sure some of it has to do with how my husband has been so inactive, regarding the application, not to mention the hostility he carries for his own family.  Guess i’m just a bit spent, after all this chatting and worry.

1 Comment
  1. ucfdarkknight 4 years ago

    Sounds like a tough situation. I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent, but my girlfriend has a 5 year old son. I still don’t know how to relate to what you’re going through, but I can’t imagine it’s easy.

    I know I held and still do hold a lot of animosity towards my parents. They know it. We try our best. I’ve driven my mom to the point of tears many times. I think the fact that she keeps coming back and keeps loving me is the reason I forgave her. There’s no formula for being a great parent. Even those so called family therapists have family problems. go figure. I personally believe the best we can do is love our children and do the best we possibly can.

    hope you have a good day

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