Does anybody else get thoughts in their heads to do things that they know are terrible, but the thoughts dwell anyways? I’ve had this going on since I was at least in late elementary or early middle school. Some of them would be things to harm myself. I would be on the highway traveling at fast speeds and I would hear a thought say “I wonder how much it would hurt if I just jumped out right now” What scares me the most is when I think about hurting others. Just recently while we had a storm come through I lingered on the thought of letting one or both of my dogs out in the heavy rain and gusting winds. I was curious how they would do and actually was slightly amused by the thought. It really bothered me because I couldn’t stop the way I felt. You have to understand that my dogs mean the world to me. I’ve spent a lot of money on their well-being. I go out of my way to make sure they lead a happy and healthy life. I truly do unconditionally love both of them. I have long days either at work or just life in general and those two are the ones that keep me sane and give me reason to be happy.
These aren’t voices in my head. They’re thoughts. Kind of like when you’re reminding yourself of a to-do list.
It might make me feel better if I had these thoughts about bullies or people that treated me bad. At least with that I feel like there’s justification. But these thoughts are usually towards people or things that are helpless and that I know I could do things towards.
It makes me feel like a monster. Luckily I don’t act upon them, but what the hell is wrong with me?